Musings of One Servant

The Ninth Inning

2011-07-06T19:16:00.000-07:00

School is out--finished teaching about two weeks ago and the blessed reprieve called summer is once again upon us. If I could have seen ahead of time everything that transpired during May and June, I would've locked myself in my room and hid the key. Thankfully the Lord didn't reveal it to me and instead He has been/is teaching me to rely on His grace day by day. Year 9: My best year as far as teaching goes, my worst as far as health goes. This is the year that I can finally say that I love teaching, and the Lord gave me joy in the midst of being sick for a good portion of the school year. The Lord gave me the grace to teach 100 kids playing on 10 different instruments who were a part of 6 different ensembles. Stressful, but I did enjoy most parts of it.

It is also the year I say goodbye to teaching in a Christian school. The particular school where I teach is struggling to make ends meet and my position is one of the casualties. Why a school would decide to cut a teacher who is running a successful program is beyond me, but it is not beyond the Lord. He is the one who allows things to take place and I must trust that this is His will for me right now. So....year 10 will be the 1st year that I will only be teaching in a public school and the Lord has provided me with the opportunity to increase my time there. I will continue in my current string position and in addition teach some middle school band. This whole situation sure has been both stressful, frustrating and exciting. But when all is said and done, it makes me turn to Him whole has the whole world in His hands. Who am I to question His ways?

I was thinking about it one night--over the time that I have been teaching, I have worked with over 1000 kids. It is wild to think about--both amazing and scary. And that is only in nine years. If the Lord keeps me teaching for quite a bit longer......it really puts into perspective the need for me to be a good witness in the workplace.

Some days....

2011-07-03T17:47:00.000-07:00

I wish I could complain. Today is one of them. But what good would it do? Probably not much. And besides, it is all in the Lord's hands, and who am I to complain about the circumstances He has me in right now?

Trusting Him

2011-04-29T18:42:00.000-07:00

This has surely been one crazy week on my end of the computer. Every night I have had something to do, and by the time I hit Wednesday I did not think I was going to make it through the end of the week. I was dreading yesterday and today because they were both such busy days. Oh, me of little faith. In my head I know that He will provide for all of my needs, but in my heart I don't always follow through and let the head knowledge become heart knowledge.

Wednesday night I felt that the Lord was telling me to go to prayer meeting. I couldn't not obey and was so blessed by the meeting. Yes, I was extremely tired the next day as I greeted my kids in the "wee hours" of the morning, but I had a peace that I hadn't felt in awhile. He not only sustained me through a tiring day yesterday, but also gave me the grace to make it through a 12 hour day at school today. Not only survive, but thrive and be blessed by the evening's activities. For that I am very thankful....and humbled by my own lack of faith. It seems that years after coming to know the Lord as my Saviour trusting Him should be easier. How sad that I still struggle so much with this! But at the same time, the fact that He is testing me in the area means that He is not through with me, so praise the Lord!

Three Things

2011-04-28T17:42:00.000-07:00

Yesterday the Lord sent three things to encourage me. It was a huge blessing as I have been rather discouraged lately.

After my rehearsal one of my kids gave me a large bouquet of very fragrant daffodils. It was great because they kept the classroom smelling great on a very warm day.
Earlier this year the kids earned bracelets after performing in their first concert. One of my kids asked my why mine still looked so nice and hers didn't. I told her that I didn't wear mine every day and perhaps that was the reason. To which she said, "Oh I wear mine every day."
At lunch one of the other teachers told me that the previous day one of my former students who is now in 10th grade was looking for me after school. It turns out that she needed to interview a person for a class and she wanted to interview me because she was interested in becoming a teacher! I was told she was rather disappointed that she couldn't find me. I am amazed to think that five years after I was her teacher she wanted to come back and interview me.

Thankful

2011-03-06T17:36:00.000-08:00

I am thankful that the Lord never leaves or forsakes us and that in the midst of a trial He can give us the grace to persevere. His love is steadfast no matter how I waver and step off of the straight and narrow path. Thankfully His saving grace is not dependent on my actions and I can not be plucked from His hand. In a world full of constant responsibilities and things that are dependent on my action (or inaction), it is good to remember that I don't earn His favor and that it is freely given to all who seek His face and believe in Jesus as Lord and Savior.

Not Much to Say....

2010-09-26T17:58:00.001-07:00

Since I don't have much to say this evening, I'll share a picture from my trip to West Virginia this summer.

Who Let the Dog Out?

2010-09-25T17:44:00.000-07:00

Third week of back to school: the busiest one yet. But thankfully the Lord kept me going without burning out. I can't even begin to express my appreciation of that! Thursday ended up being a 7-8:30 workday split between the two schools. Not only was I able to get a ton done, but I was still smiling at the end of the day. Knowing me, myself and I, that is something only the Lord can accomplish.

Monday morning I opened the door to the staff room and found two adults and a dog. While I was trying to get my jaw up off of the floor, I apparently never thought to close the door and the dog got out. I should mention that this was taking place as kids were coming in for the day. So the dog took off into the school while various staff members chased it. I, on the other hand, tried to pick up the crumbled pieces of my brain and went back to my room, only to be confronted with numerous 4th graders and parent phone calls.

Found out later that the dog was from the surrounding neighborhood and had followed a kid into school that morning. Upon close examination, the dog appeared to be part pit bull. I'm guessing he was safely returned to his owner. Fun times.

My other fun story so far this year took place at my other school. I was "lecturing" the band kids about being good role models for the younger band kids when one 7th grader got up, rolled on the floor, and then struck a pose. It was priceless!

2010-09-01T15:03:00.001-07:00

UNDER SEALED ORDERS

You are leaving port under sealed orders and in a troubled period. You cannot know whither you are going or what you are to do. But why not take the Pilot on board who knows the nature of your sealed orders from the outset, and who will shape your entire voyage accordingly? He knows the shoals and the sand banks, the rocks and the reefs, He will steer you safely into that celestial harbor where your anchor will be cast for eternity. Let His almighty nail-pierced hands hold the wheel, and you will be safe.

--Peter Marshall (1902 - 1949)

Red Fish, Blue Fish

2010-08-24T17:23:00.000-07:00

Have I mentioned that I love reading? Always have and hopefully always will. Historical fiction is my favorite, but I do enjoy reading a variety of different genres.

So...apparently my niece loves to read as well. I found this out when I went down for a few days last month to help watch the kid while the rest of the family worked on my sister & bro-in-law's new house.

She was constantly asking to be read to. Thankfully she is not into chapter books yet and has a good collection of board books to keep the reader entertained. As you can see from the photo above, size doesn't matter.

Rumor has it my sister has taken to hiding certain books. Considering she is a teacher and most teachers encourage reading, the situation must be pretty desperate. But I enjoyed it while I was there!

Great Garden Gatherings

2010-08-22T18:12:00.000-07:00

As summer is winding down, my food processor and I are gearing up. My teeny, tiny garden has been producing amazing amounts of tomatoes, along with awesome eggplant and new this year: beans! I am so excited. There is nothing quite like the satisfaction of watching tiny plants grow into something that is able to be put on the table as food. It takes work (even in a small garden), but fun because of the visible progress it makes.

I've been freezing stuff from my garden as well as zucchini from my mom's garden. Not only have I had enough to freeze, but also enough to give away. Part of the joy in having a garden is in being able to bless others with the bounty.

Someday, after my garage falls down and I have to rebuild it, I'll move it forward so I can have a bigger garden behind it. My brother suggested building raised beds...so now I'm drooling over it.

So yesterday I made tomato sauce for the first time. Considering my Italian background, it is probably a disgrace to only be making sauce for the first time at my age. But it was sooo easy and tasted so good, I'm sure I'll be making for a long time to come. The fun part is that you can make it different every time, depending on what you have in your fridge. It was pretty exciting.

The Rustling Begins....

2010-07-30T18:21:00.000-07:00

At approximately 9:20 for the past couple of nights the rustling has begun as the nightly snacks of potato chips and ice cream appear from their various locations. The clan has gathered at my sister's new house for a week long work-a-thon. Thankfully there is enough space that we are not tripping over each other. It has been quite enjoyable: staining the house, turning a barn into a garage, watching the kid, cooking, cleaning and cleaning out brush and trees. It is very satisfying doing jobs where you can see immediate results.

Grill Fail #2

2010-07-25T19:42:00.000-07:00

So grilling is not my greatest skill that I've ever tried to develop. The first time my brother and I broke out the charcoal grill this year, we forgot to pile the charcoal into a pyramid before trying to light the stack. We did not get a roaring fire. In fact, it took forever to cook the meat. Today was try #2. I remembered to stack the bricks and then proceeded to go through almost a whole box of matches trying to start the fire. At which point my brother came out and doused the whole thing with lighter fluid (note: the bricks came with fluid already on them). It burned for awhile, I went inside to prep the meat and veggies. My brother turned away from the fire and it promptly went out. A few more matches later we gave up and went to plan B: fry pans.

I'm sure the little old lady next door got a kick watching us out her window. I'm also thinking there is something wrong with our charcoal and perhaps buying a new bag would be a wise idea. It was from last year...and did sit out in the rotting garage all winter and spring. Maybe it got wet. Very possible since every time I mow I have to pick up pieces of rotting wood that have come off of the garage. But that's for another post...

Change is the Only Constant......

2010-07-21T18:54:00.000-07:00

excepting the Lord of course: He never changes. Good thing, I mean, who wants to put their trust in a God who constantly changes? As I was helping friends pack for a cross country move, I couldn't help but think, here we go again--things are changing. Anyone who knows me well knows that I do not greet change with excitement. I can say that the Lord is fully in control and knows exactly what He is doing, even if I can't grasp it. Besides, He knows what is best for each one of us and who would want anything less than that? But is doesn't always make it easier to deal with at first hearing of the change to come. I think it is more comforting after the news has had time to sink in and the Lord has been at work in the receiver's heart. After all, it is exciting to see where the Lord takes people and how He uses them.

On a less spiritual level, I've finally gotten to the point where I am ready to change & reorganize some of Grandma's things. I'm trying to downsize and declutter, as well as finally go through the rest of my stuff from the apartment that hasn't been dealt with. One of those things is the living room. Grandma's dvd player is starting to go, so tonight I finally got out my tv and dvd player to switch it out with Grandma's. Moving forward! Being a person who doesn't even watch tv, it will be nice to have my small tv replacing a rather large one. For your perusing pleasure, the before and after shots:

Before

(The lovely tv stand was made by my brother-in-law.)

After!

(Big sigh of relief)

Minimalist Camping, Part 3

2010-07-18T18:08:00.000-07:00

So I was figuring out what to write tonight and thought I would post my final blog about our camping trip. The whole trip came about due to a Cirque du Solei show my brother wanted to see, so one of our days we spent the day in Hartford.

We went up early in order to visit the Mark Twain house. The house was fascinating with all of its architectural details on both the outside and inside. I am intrigued by Twain's desire to "keep up with the Jones-es"--no expense was spared, and in fact, I guess the house went way over budget when it was built. According to the PBS documentary I watched on him, he really thought that a lavish house and being wealthy could keep his family from harm. What a sad awakening for him it must've been when tragedy struck and he lost all of his money. A good reminder that our hope and trust should not be in earthly possessions.

Built in 1874, Twain let the architect have his way, with the stipulation that it be a red house. We had expected to be able to roam the house at our own pace, but they only did house tours. It was neat hearing the descriptions as we were going through--we certainly learned more than if we had roamed by ourselves.

As we were getting ready to leave and head over for the Cirque show, we started looking at one of the exhibits they had in the museum: the Hartford circus fire that took place during the 40s. This wasn't the most encouraging thing to read about as we were presently headed over to watch a circus show. But thankfully all went well....

The infamous Cirque du Solei tent, an impressive set up which houses an even more impressive show.

The next day we took one more trip down to the beach and then started our trek back home. All in all a great trip, with only a few minor misadventures. :-)

Thankful Thursday

2010-07-15T19:24:00.001-07:00

Some days are great, others are...well...better left untold. Today was one of them. As I was driving home from a rehearsal tonight and thinking about what I would blog, Thankful Thursday popped into my head. So here we go:

1) I am thankful that our God is greater than my shortcomings and tendencies toward sin, that His blood covers my sins and that in the midst of my inadequacies He is still at work within me.

2) I am thankful that each day is a brand new start with a clean slate.

3) I am thankful for the friend who randomly gave me a gift today.

4) I am thankful that in the midst of sorrow we can take comfort in the fact that the Lord has a good plan, even if we don't understand it or can't see how it will work out. He holds the universe in the palm on His hand and that includes the circumstances in my life.

5) I am thankful that I can sleep in tomorrow, seeing as I'm staying up late to write this blog.

Minimalist Camping, Part 2

2010-07-14T18:07:00.000-07:00

So we arrived Wednesday the 30th and the next day we spent at the state park. That morning we walked the trail that goes along the beach. It was somewhere in the vicinity of 1-2 miles and it was neat to see how the coast changed as we walked.

As we walked even the landscape changed slightly as different sections of the beach boasted different plants. The middle portion of the walk had pines--it was a bit strange to see sand and small pine trees in the same setting. I believe this flower is called a beach rose. It was new to me.

The east end of the beach was very rocky and reminiscent of the Maine coast.

This is one of my favorite photos from the trip. Still on the east end of the beach.

After spending the morning walking along the beach and exploring the hiking trails, we had lunch and then crashed for part of the afternoon. (Insert nap mentioned in the previous post.)

For our minimalist camping dinner, we went to a local place called the Clam Castle. I wish I had taken a picture of the food. It was fantastic! I tried my first lobster roll (awesome!), had clam strips, onion rings and clam chowder. (Disclaimer: I did not eat all of that by myself.) If you are ever in the area, I highly recommend it!

Minimalist Camping

2010-07-13T19:11:00.000-07:00

With TomTom leading the way, my brother and I drove to Hammonasset Beach State Park in Connecticut to camp for a few days before the fourth of July. Upon arriving at our campsite we were greeted by a nicely mowed, large campsite right across from the bathrooms. Not exactly roughing it, as the light from the Coke machine shown through our tent each night. Anyways...the one strange thing was that there was no spot for a fire and no remnants of a campfire. Turns out people either bring in their own fire pit or rent one. We were rather surprised as this is quite different from the normal practice in our neck of the woods. Being the flexible sort of folks that we are, we made due with what we had: an electric Coleman lantern, complete with a yellow night light setting. It was perfect--no mess, no smoke, no fighting over who would put out the fire--quite enjoyable in many ways. This wasn't a planned part of our minimalist camping experience, but it worked out well as we weren't planning on cooking. We decided to eat breakfast and lunch out of the cooler and then go out for dinner. I certainly had no intention of working my first week of vacation.

So we settled right down our first night there and were sleeping peacefully until we were both heard squeaking and scratching above our heads at 3:00 in the morning. Thinking it was a pair of squirrels my brother offered to go take a look (good thing because I had no intention of getting up). A moment later I hear, "you better stay there." It was three large skunks scratching at our heads. Not what I wanted to hear. Skunks that didn't smell or spray thankfully, as we would've been in trouble.
They did eventually go away after my brother worried them with the flashlight. Needless to say, the next day I indulged in an afternoon nap.

Summer Vacation!

2010-07-12T18:35:00.000-07:00

One of the most blessed events of the year is finally here! It certainly has been quite the school year: busy, busy, busy. Perhaps it is obvious from the number of posts I have successfully completed. It has been a good type of busy and it has been exciting to see how the Lord blessed this year. A great year in many respects, but I am thankful to have a break from the chaos of traveling between two schools. One of my goals this summer is to spend more time planning for the upcoming year. My teaching load will be almost identical this coming year, so I will be able to plan better. So what's on the docket for July and August? A camping trip to Connecticut, a trip to West Virginia, taking flute lessons as well as viola da gamba lessons, playing violin in Berlioz's Requiem, accomplishing projects at home and planning for the upcoming year. Time to refresh and refuel! Perhaps I'll even write another post before October.

Life...Facebook Style

2009-10-08T18:49:00.000-07:00

Since I can only handle small bits of info right now, here we go:

Gina...just got powdered sugar all over her keyboard.
Gina's inbox is out of control and apologizes to all who have e-mailed her in the past month (or 2).
Gina is sick of dealing with parents who let their children do anything they want.
Gina is tired of phone conversations with parents that are a complete waste of her time.
Gina wonders why it takes a bag of candy sitting out for middle school students to pay attention.
Gina feels that some things are better left unsaid.
Gina is starting to lose it and looking forward to a day off Monday.

Fickle Society

2009-09-23T18:25:00.000-07:00

Thankfully today is a day that I'll never have to redo. His mercies are new every morning. If there is something that frustrates me to no end each year, it is the fact that parents let their children switch instruments or drop after only one year of study. "Whatever will make Johnny happy" is the motto of many parents that I've talked to. "I would like him to continue, but he doesn't want to" is another one I have heard more than once. Who is in charge? The student or the parent? Mind you, I'm talking about 4th & 5th graders!

The parents in my public school building want their kids to be able to try everything. Now there is nothing wrong with trying new things--I like doing it myself. But what are we are we teaching children when we allow them to switch instruments or activities at the drop of a hat? There has to be a balance between trying new things and sticking with something in order to learn about commitment and perseverance. In our fast paced, instant gratification geared society, so many things are geared towards making a child feel good--make them happy and fulfilling their wants. These children grow up thinking that everything should be given to them for nothing, handed to them on a silver platter. What a rude awakening when they get out in the real world!

It amazes me that in the public school (where students can receive instrument lessons for "free,") the parents take advantage of the system, and in the private school where parents must pay for lessons, it is automatically assumed that a student will continue on the same instrument year after year. Fascinating, and a sad commentary in my opinion. But I will now get off of my soapbox and bid you a goodnight!

SEEK TO KNOW HIM

2009-09-02T18:15:00.000-07:00

"Let us seek to know Him in the Word. It is in the Word we will find the Holy Spirit. Don't read too many other things. Some of you will say, "Look who's talking!" Well, go ahead and say it, I don't mind; but I am reading fewer and fewer things as I get older, not because I'm losing interest in this great, big, old suffering world, but because I'm gaining interest in that other world above. So I say, don't try to know everything. You can't. Find Him in the Word, for the Holy Ghost wrote this book. He inspired it, and He will be revealed in its pages."

--A.W. Tozer

New Tozer Quote

2009-04-23T10:10:00.000-07:00

TOZER ON BEING CALLED A MYSTIC
from "The Counselor"

"Some of my friends good-humoredly - and some a little bit severely - have called me a 'mystic.' Well I'd like to say this about any mysticism I may suppose to have. If an archangel from heaven were to come, and were to start giving me, telling me, teaching me, and giving me instruction, I'd ask him for the text. I'd say, 'Where's it say that in the Bible? I want to know.' And I would insist that it was according to the scriptures, because I do not believe in any extra-scriptural teachings, nor any anti-scriptural teachings, or any sub-scriptural teachings. I think we ought to put the emphasis where God puts it, and continue to put it there, and to expound the scriptures, and stay by the scriptures. I wouldn't - no matter if I saw a light above the light of the sun, I'd keep my mouth shut about it 'til I'd checked with Daniel and Revelation and the rest of the scriptures to see if it had any basis in truth. And if it didn't, I'd think I'd just eaten something I shouldn't, and I wouldn't say anything about it. Because I don't believe in anything that is unscriptural or that is anti-scripture."

- What Difference Does the Holy Spirit Make?, A. W. Tozer

Grandma sitting--always an adventure

2009-02-16T19:00:00.000-08:00

Spent the day with Grandma today. It was nice because I had nothing pressing to do, so it was low key. While we had lots of opportunity to talk, those opportunities came during commercial breaks of such "lovely" shows as Jerry Springer, NCIsomething, and Family Guy. I have never felt so exposed to such trashy TV as I have today. But on the other hand, in between the filth Grandma was asking my opinion on various Biblical topics, so I can't really complain. Her health has really gone downhill over the past few months, so if you think of it, please lift her up in prayer. Thanks.

2009-02-11T13:53:00.000-08:00

"And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to
the Lord and not to men, knowing that
from the Lord you will receive the
reward of the inheritance; for you serve
the Lord Christ."

Colossians 3:23-24

Found this verse in my e-mail and thought I would post it. It is hard to keep this in mind when the daily drudge catches up to you. But it is definitely a good reminder.

Friday Night

2009-01-23T18:29:00.000-08:00

My bed and I have become good friends as I have now spent the better portion of three days in it due to some nasty neck pain which is making me quite loopy. Went for an MRI today and my doctor should have the results on Tuesday. Some reasons why this is a problem: (1) waiting in pain for 4 days doesn't sound like fun (2) Monday morning I need to be able to conduct my orchestra rehearsal because (3)Tuesday night is our concert. I haven't been driving over the past few days because I've been so out of it...so Monday could be a problem if I don't show any improvement. So I'll just have to wait and see what happens.

In my online reading this evening I came across this article, one I wish I had been privy to about ten years ago when I got saved. A great article, but humbling. Very appropriate in a day and age when many of us are easily drawn towards visions, signs and miracles.

Today's Church

2009-01-23T06:48:00.000-08:00

Came across this today: http://www.alittleleaven.com/2009/01/purpose-driven-hireling.html

Fascinating.

Viola Therapy

2009-01-07T19:20:00.000-08:00

"When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade." This was part of a conversation I had with a colleague today as I related my discouragement and frustration over a situation I am dealing with at school. I am so discouraged by the lack of support from the administration in one of my buildings....it's to the point where there is a rather large part of me that is ready to be out of the public school system. While I enjoy working with the students, working with other teachers, parents and principals can be exasperating.

Anyways, after shoveling slush off the driveway, and then later recovering from the effort put into shoveling, I decided to get out my viola. Haven't played for awhile and I had forgotten how therapeutic playing is. As I was playing through a couple of hymns I am considering playing at church, I came to the realization that simple is sometimes the best. There is something wonderful about playing a simple hymn while taking the time to make each note sound its best. As a musician, I think we tend to get carried away turning hymn arrangements into virtuosic pieces. Is what I am playing for the Lord or is the focus on me and how "good" of a musician I am. While I agree that we should share the gifts that the Lord has given us in the area of music, I think we need to be careful about mixing the world's ideal of musicianship with the Lord's.

In the chaotic craziness that is my life right now, I long for a season where life is simple and uncluttered. How I will get there I have no idea. But it is comforting knowing in the midst of the chaos the Lord just wants me to have a simple, childlike faith--in His eyes, that is what is beautiful. Perhaps that is why I am drawn to the beauty of playing a simple hymn on a solo instrument (preferably a viola....yes, I am biased).

NOTHING TO DO BUT SAVE SOULS

2009-01-01T11:07:00.000-08:00

I was cleaning out my inbox and came across this quote. It is a good reminder for myself as we begin a new year.

"You have nothing to do but to save souls. Therefore spend and be spent in this work. And go always, not only to those that want you, but to those that want you most. Observe: It is not your business to preach so many times, and to take care of this or that society; but to save as many souls as you can; to bring them to repentance, and with all your power to build them up in holiness without which they cannot see the Lord."

--John Wesley

Sunday..again

2008-12-14T18:37:00.000-08:00

It's another Sunday night..only it's been forever since I last wrote. I just got home from church (9:30 pm) and should be in bed, but instead I am wound up, so I thought I would write. I must say though, that I'm not looking forward to my alarm going off at 5:30 tomorrow morning. It has been almost a year since I left my old church and I finally feel like I am beginning to get to know people. It is a good thing, because it's a little lonely when your church doesn't feel like it's your family. I find it fascinating that it is only when I am starting to get more involved in the church that I start to get to know people more. Perhaps that is a simple statement, but it is interesting none the less. Anyways, I'm conducting the chime choir at church and it is a real blessing. It is a lot of fun, and there is something special when the Lord allows you to serve in an area related to your everyday job. While it is a ministry in one sense of the word when I am teaching each day out in the world, but it is sweeter when you can use your skills among believers. Definitely a different ministry, but a very good reminder that we are not supposed to compartmentalize our lives. Jesus is present with us just as much in the workplace as He is with us in the church setting.

So anyways, it truly is a blessing as I become more involved at church to get to know people. I have no idea why the Lord has moved me and brought me to this particular church, but it is good to know that it has been for a reason and that there is a ministry in which I can be involved. So, one step at a time we travel the road that He has laid before us. I tend to think it is going to take me one direction, but He proves me wrong as I encounter various bends in the road unknown to me beforehand. Lord help us to have the grace to follow your lead as You travel with us on the journey.

Sunday

2008-11-23T16:31:00.000-08:00

I think it's incredible how the Lord will bring us to a spot where we have to trust Him for His grace to make it through something and then seeing how He brings us through. This past week has been a whole week like that. For example..I sang at the afternoon service at church today, and by the looks of things, many things should've gone wrong--I'm congested and drinking water like its going out of style, my left thumb has been going numb on me when I play guitar, my guitar strings really should be changed, I was rather nervous...and so on. But His grace was sufficient and people were blessed by it, and that I find just amazing. So praise Him! In our weakness He is strong.

Friday Night

2008-11-21T17:28:00.000-08:00

You know it's time to go to bed when, on a Friday night at 8:30 pm you discover that you put the ice cream away in the refrigerator, and later realize that you don't even recall putting the ice cream away.

Other scenarios from this past week that indicate the need for sleep include trying to use conditioner to wash my face and trying to make coffee without the filter in the coffee maker. Needless to say, that day I visited Starbucks for my morning coffee.

On that note, while it is still 8:30, I am going to try and make it safely into my bed for a (hopefully) good night's sleep.

A Rainy, Restful Day

2008-11-15T10:23:00.000-08:00

So I had to cancel both of my things that I was supposed to do today because I seem to be coming down with a head cold. Not so fun, but at least its a Saturday. Well, that's the quick update, now I'm off to take a nap.

Quick Update...

2008-10-27T18:50:00.000-07:00

Mondays....I think they are going to kill me this year. Trying to act energized at 8:00 in the morning in order to engage 25 5th graders is a challenge. The kids look so bored that the forty minute rehearsals are becoming slightly torturous. After that I launch into seven beginner lessons. Why did I put the beginners on a Monday? I have no idea what I was thinking. Since the beginners are all in the same spot, I teach the same thing seven times in a row. I hate to admit it, but it drives me batty. I feel like I am working on an assembly line, just processing kids through. But I guess I can at least say that I am honing my acting skills--i.e. acting excited to be teaching the kids. By lunch today I was wondering if perhaps I should change careers, or at least start teaching older kids. Thankfully Monday is the only day I have beginners all day.

My plan was to come home and practice violin, but as I was looking at the case, I got rather sick as I contemplated the thought of having to look at another violin. Perhaps this is why I come home and spend my time playing recorder or gamba......too bad I can't retire at an early age.

I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date!

2008-09-22T19:43:00.000-07:00

with my pillow that is. So it's way too late for me to be posting, but I guess that's what I get for having a parent night tonight--a 12 hour work day. Anyways, sometimes belting out songs in a house by yourself with a guitar is a very relaxing thing. No need to worry about who's listening, or when your fingers (which lost their calluses long ago) land on the wrong string. It's all good. Except for that occasional guitar twang that throws you off. But thankfully if your heart is right as you're worshiping the Lord, it doesn't matter. I'm looking forward to the day when we're worshiping around the throne. My personal hope is that we will be singing in four part harmony, not limited by time or the end of a verse, but that it'll be one gloriously long span of worship where people are not conscious of "how good they are," but that they will be free in their singing, improving as the Spirit leads (all decently and in order of course). But anyways, I realize that what I want has absolutely nothing to do with anything, and that what we will encounter when we get there will be much better than I could've ever imagined. Of course, I guess I should confess before I sign off that I am officially joining Sylvia's campaign to "Sing Hymns Loudly." Now I really need to sign off...goodnight....zzzzzzzz

The Five Year Old

2008-09-20T19:57:00.001-07:00

So tonight I took the five year old and the three year old over to visit Grandma. It was a real nice visit--its amazing how small kids can minister to older adults, in a way that I never could. When we got there Grandma was in a pretty foul mood, but by the time I left she seemed to be doing better. On the way back to the kids house, the five year old asked me if I had any kids. I told her that I didn't because I wasn't married. She then proceeded to think out loud, pondering the fact that if I got married my husband wouldn't know her and her family. So she then concluded that I should see if any of their neighbors were guys. She suggested that we go door to door telling people about Jesus and seeing if there were any men available to be married. Now, I've had many family members tell me that I should be out shopping for a man, but this is the first time I've had a five year old bring up the subject!

As Time Flies

2008-09-19T20:02:00.000-07:00

Well, when I first started writing, it was about the one year old, then the one year old became the two year old and now he is the three year old. Perhaps its just a sign that I'm getting older, but its just amazing me how fast time is flying. When I first met the one year old he was 6 months old! I am so glad the Lord has blessed me with good friends with small children. It is just absolutely wild watching the kids grow and develop--not only that, but I think the Lord uses kids to speak to us in a number of different ways.

Tonight as I was helping the 3 year old using the "rather large potty," he says something to the effect of "don't let me fall in" with a rather frightened look. I respond, "I won't because I'm going to hold you." He replies, "I won't fall in because you're holding me." A rather simple conversation, but as I was crouched down, holding him up, it was neat watching his face change from fear to a simple trusting that I was going to keep him from falling. And yes, there in the bathroom, while the Lord has a captive audience He's reminding me of that childlike faith in which we are supposed to trust Him to keep us. It is nice to know that in the midst of living in such a complicated world where I have many responsibilities, I can seek refuge in His simple message of hope and salvation, leaving my worries and cares to Him.

(PS-As I am writing this, I am sitting on the wonderful couch located in the now cleared living room. At last I can live in more of the house and not be restricted to my bedroom and the dining room table!)

Progress: One Step at a Time

2008-09-18T17:47:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder if we undervalue the baby steps we take in our lives. Unpacking, for example. Obviously I can't unpack a house in one day or most likely even a week or two. So why do I fret when it seems to take me forever to get something done? When I moved in we still hadn't painted one of the two bedrooms, and as a result, everything that was going in the unpainted room was packed into the living room. I've been living here for a month now, but just tonight have I managed to clear the living room to the point where I can sit on the couch. Progress has been made! Sometimes it feels like I should shout from the roof tops when I actually complete a task that I haven't been able to get to in a long time.

Days like today remind me that our walks with the Lord are similar...one step at a time. We don't grow up over night, so why should I expect the Lord to take away all of my imperfections in the blink of an eye? Granted, we know that the Lord could do it, but instead He chooses to purify us in the fires of the ordinary, everyday circumstances we experience. I find this to be fascinating--that the trials I go through were specifically designed to purify me and mold me into His likeness. I guess that perhaps this is how Paul could rejoice in his sufferings. He tells us to rejoice in our trials. Lord, help me to have that attitude!!

Work: It does a body good.

2008-09-17T18:44:00.000-07:00

It's officially been well over a month since my last post, although I must confess that it feels like a year. In that time I've moved from my apartment into a house and started teaching in two schools (my regular school and a local Christian school who hired me at the end of March). Change seems to be the buzz word in my life lately. Not a bad thing, just new and different--getting used to new routines. Moving, starting a new job and attending a new church is more than I bargained for, but it has been good. The Lord definitely knows my needs better than I do. Life is never boring around here, that's for sure!

So I got home from work feeling rather discouraged. Things at one school are chaotic and depressing in a variety of ways and I'm rather bummed about only having four private students at this point. I was hoping for 7-10. One of the downsides about living alone is that sitting and stewing over a matter is becoming a regular pastime. Thankfully my mom was coming over to do some yard work, so it forced me to get outside and cleaned up all the branches from the weekend's storm. It's really a duh! thing, but I am forever amazed at how doing simple manual labor type tasks can bring a body out of a funk. I am very thankful for that.

Plants on Steroids

2008-08-13T19:58:00.000-07:00

I've been meaning to post this picture for awhile, but in the midst of packing and getting ready to move, I've neglected to do it. This is my Gerber daisy, my lovely plant that has actually lasted for almost four years. When I first got it, it bloomed once then decided it was done for a few years. Since I started feeding it the fertilizer that my Mom gave me, it's done some pretty amazing growing. Granted the plant is looking slightly wilted in this photo, but I wanted to capture it while it was blooming away.

2008-07-26T20:57:00.000-07:00

So I was sitting with Grandma tonight and was treated to a play by play commentary of what was going on in the horror film she was watching. Much noted was the fact that the main character kept walking very slowly around the house while scary music was playing.

Grandma: "If I was her I'd turn and run out of that house. No, wait--I'd wheel out of there in my wheelchair."

Earlier in the film: "Well, I could've done that role--all she does is walk around. On second thought, I can't do that too well either."

Muffin

2008-07-22T18:34:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago I spent the day with my aunt (Grandma's sister) and took her to visit her cousin. When we got home and were making dinner, my aunt was looking through a dresser for something. Well, she pulled out one of the drawers, pointed to a tin can and said nonchalantly, "Oh, there's Muffin."

I tried not to fall over as I realized what she had said. You see, Muffin was her dog and now resides in a small tin can in the drawer. Could've knocked me over--I never have heard of someone cremating an animal.

Here's a convicting statement:

2008-07-22T18:31:00.000-07:00

Christ's call is to save the lost, not the stiff-necked; He came not to call scoffers but sinners to repentance; not to build and furnish comfortable chapels, churches, and cathedrals at home in which to rock Christian professors to sleep by means of clever essays, stereotyped prayers, and artistic musical performances, but to capture men from the devil's clutches and the very jaws of Hell. This can be accomplished only by a red-hot, unconventional, unfettered devotion, in the power of the Holy Spirit, to the Lord Jesus Christ.

--C.T. Studd (English missionary to China, India, and Africa. 1860-1931)

Kids

2008-07-20T19:20:00.000-07:00

This weekend I babysat the 5 year old and the (almost) 3 year old while the parents went on an overnight getaway. I'd have to say that all three of us thoroughly enjoyed it. It amazes me how easy it is to keep little children occupied and interested in something. The three year was quite content sliding down the slide at the playground many times in a row, each time proclaiming, "again!" or "catch me Gina!"

The 5 year old is working on reading. We were coloring at the kitchen table and she was lamenting that she couldn't read the words printed on an advertisement, so I started writing her sentences that should could figure out. It was a blast--I absolutely loved working with her on reading. I would never want to have to teach a whole classroom full of kids how to read, but one on one I'd take probably most any day.

It amazes me how the Lord can use kids to humble me. We were going to the store and the 5 year old was taking Jesus pictures to hand out to people. At one point she asked me if my Mom knew Jesus. I said I didn't know. She said, "well, why don't you ask her?"

So...yeah. Nothing like the straightforward talk from a 5 year old who has a heart to share Jesus. No beating around the bush or not saying something out of fear of offending someone. Perhaps we could all learn a lesson from that.

Yikes!

2008-07-20T19:16:00.000-07:00

July is sure flying by! It is a bit scary how fast the summer is going. In another month I hope to be moved/moving into my Grandmother's house, but there is still much to do before then. Right now we are prepping the walls to paint one of the two bedrooms I will be taking over. In a couple of weeks the hardwood floors downstairs will be finished and then we can really start moving things along!

Huh?

2008-07-14T09:54:00.000-07:00

As I was sorting through my Bible study and Christian living books, I came across this passage in an introduction to the Layman's Bible Book Commentary, Volume 3, "It is based on the conviction that the Bible speaks to every generation of believers but needs occasional reinterpretation in the light of changing language and modern experience." Personally, I find that a very scary sentence. So...is it telling me that I need someone else to reinterpret the Bible for me? Yikes! What happened to the Holy Spirit speaking directly to each person as he or she reads the passage?

I think we need to be very cautious of thinking that the Bible needs rewording in order to speak to the present generations. If God is who He says is, isn't it presumptuous of us to assume that He is incapable of speaking to the current generations through His Word?

On a slightly different note, I do wonder what the author is referring to when he speaks of "modern experience."

Ice Cream

2008-07-02T17:01:00.000-07:00

So I've been spending most of the week at my parent's house, going through more Grandma papers. Ice cream is a staple of my mom's freezer. Grandma wanted some, so of course I offered to get it (and get myself some at the same time).

Me: How much do you want?
Grandma: Enough.
Me: Enough? How much is enough?
Grandma: Well, how much are you having?
Me: A bowlful.
Grandma: Ok, I'll take that.

Ugh

2008-06-26T18:54:00.000-07:00

Some things are just wrong. This is one of them.

As Time Goes By

2008-06-21T18:56:00.000-07:00

Spent most of the afternoon helping my grandmother sort through a large pile of calendars. She had saved her calendar for every year from 1977-last year. That's a lot of family history. When I reflect on all that was written on the calendars, it is fascinating to see the changes over the years and the different content. In 1977, my parents got married, my aunt was still in high school...the avon lady seemed to visit quite often. Unfortunately, my momentous birth didn't make an appearance on the 1979 calendar, but as the 80s rolled along and more grandchildren were added to the family, the calendars began to have things such as school vacations, babysitting gigs--various activities related to us grandkids. The funny thing about the calendars from the 80s is that every once in a while you'll come across kid handwriting surrounding that child's birthday, or a few funny things written here and there. The calendars from the 90s explode with many grandchildren related activities--concerts, sports events, dancing things--you name it and it was on the calendar. I noticed that the calendars even marked when I was going or coming home from college. And it wasn't just me, but for the others as well.
So...a person can definitely see where my grandparent's priorities were.

It was interesting to see things marked on the older calendars--events that I remember happening, but never had a date to attach them to as I was so young when they happened. It was definitely a bittersweet occasion. It was fun going through them with Grandma because we'd stop and chuckle over something, or try and figure out what certain mystery numbers were. It certainly is amazing how much a person's calendar can tell you about that person.

2008-06-21T06:37:00.000-07:00

I received this video in an e-mail from For Zion's Sake and thought I would share. It is a view of the Holocaust that we usually don't see or hear about: how the Lord worked through it.

An Uncluttering Day

2008-06-20T19:48:00.000-07:00

Not too much to share, except this has been the first time in over a month that I've been able to attack some odds-n-ends and pack a few boxes for the great move. All in all a productive day, which is always a blessing.

In teaching news, the last day is next Friday, at which time I may just throw myself a party. Professionally this has been a great year; personally, it has been a school year that I never thought would end. I was ready to retire back in October! Lydee wrote about retirements in her building as being the "end of an era." We have four key people either leaving or retiring this year, people I've taught with for the past six years, and unfortunately, they are all a part of the small handful of sane people in the building. Definitely the "end of an era" on my end as well.

So many changes have taken place in my life since the school year has started that I'm not dreading the change as I would've if the rest of my life wasn't turned upside down in some ways. But I can't complain, because the Lord warned me and gave me the desire for change--I just wasn't prepared for how many changes have or will be taking place. :-)

Led by the Spirit

2008-06-10T19:16:00.000-07:00

A college friend's blog sparked something that I've been pondering for awhile: what to do about next year. Right now I'm teaching three days a week at the school where I've been for the past six years. Because I wasn't teaching at church anymore, earlier in the year I put in to "transfer" to a full time position within the district. At this point I haven't been offered a full time position, but so many music teachers are moving around that it is creating a chain reaction and the chances are good that I could be offered something. Meanwhile I have gotten a new part time job teaching strings at a Christian school in the area. They want me for two afternoons a week next year.

What to do? Part of me would like to wait out and see what I get offered in my current district. It would seem crazy from a worldly point of view not to take a full time job if it is offered. Even the other teachers at the Christian school have made it clear they think a person should take a full time job when it is offered. But I'm not fully convinced that that's what the Lord would have me to do in this case. You see, ever since Fredonia days I've had a vision for a Christian music program that has become stronger the longer I've been teaching. I built up a program at church, but it was made clear that it wasn't the Lord's plan for me to be there longer.

I long to help students develop their ability to worship through music. The Lord has given each person the amazing ability to worship Him through music. I firmly believe that everyone has the capability to learn how to sing in tune and create music. I truly believe that there is a call for people to learn how to worship in a congregational setting without being inhibited or worried about what others think.

The new Christian school where I'm at is far from perfect in many ways. In some ways it is far behind the public schools. But the Lord has birthed in me a heart to continue at the Christian school. I've begun to develop relationships and I'm interested to seeing what the principal's vision for the music program is. In the Bible, people who were led by the Spirit were often led to do things that make no sense to the observer. Knowing this, and after having done some "crazy things" myself, I still find it difficult to relinquish the idea of possibly going full time in my district. But I also see where a part time position in the Christian school could possibly lead to a full time position someday down the road.

So, here I am at the crossroads, just praying that the Lord would keep guiding me, and that I would have the grace and discernment to follow His will.

Quote from Berean Call

2008-06-10T17:40:00.000-07:00

"Trials are medicines which our gracious and wise Physician prescribes because we need them; and he proportions the frequency and weight of them to what the case requires. Let us trust his skill and thank him for his prescription."

--Sir Isaac Newton (1642-1727), English physicist, mathematician, astronomer, natural philosopher, alchemist and theologian

Maine: The Return (Part 2)

2008-06-08T18:31:00.000-07:00

We stopped in a Wal-Mart in Maine and to our surprise we were greeted by a rack sporting not one, but three new Mt. Dew flavors. Excitement ran high as I was stocked for the ride home.

Notice the wonderful color coordination between my sister's arm and her Mt. Dew can.

I noticed on the back of one of the labels that it said there would be another new flavor released this summer as well. So...4 new Mt. Dew flavors in one summer. I'm not sure if I can handle the excitement. The only problem is that they don't have the new flavors in a diet variety. So...sugar carbs galore.

The Honey Dew coffee is Dan's. It is a brand we found in Massachusetts on our way back. What you can't see in this picture is how early in the morning it was. The Mt. Dew got opened at 8:30, due to my lack of coffee. But unfortunately it didn't really help my extreme fatigue that I was starting to feel that morning. I do believe that was the result of something else: a tick.

But you'll have to wait in suspense for that story because I'm too tired to add it right now. Have a goodnight!

Maine: The Return

2008-06-02T20:51:00.000-07:00

So after reading my last post you might be thinking that I could use a break from reality. Thankfully that opportunity was provided in the form of my brother needing a ride to Maine for the summer. Funds were secured and my sister, brother-in-law, and myself spent the weekend taking my brother and his "stuff" up to Maine. Provided we didn't spend a whole week camping this year, "stuff" is a slight understatement of everything that traveled to Maine in the Subaru (see last year's picture below).

Thankfully all appropriate people and items were disposed of accordingly and the return trip was made in the lap of luxury with an almost empty backseat.

Sanity was maintained throughout the trip by a variety of beverages and smart remarks. Last year's beverage of choice was diet Mt. Dew:

While Mt. Dew still proved to be the overall beverage of choice, the trip started with a Dunkin Donuts stop:

Note this year's trip upgrade included a handy GPS (not mine) which was helpful in finding more Dunkin Donuts to stop at. (We were able to hold off until Massachusetts to make our second stop.)

Upgrades for future Maine trips were discussed at length throughout the drive up. Suggestions included a GPS that includes downloadable wise cracks, gives whether forecasts, allows one to check his e-mail and watch movies, a camouflage RV and a jumbo jet. Thankfully my brother is not planning on going back to Maine for a few years in order to give us time to make the appropriate upgrades.

I should make a note hear that at the second caffeination stop of the trip I did not, I repeat, did not purchase a caffeinated beverage. That is my Gatorade in the photo at the right.

Well, I realize that you are waiting in suspense for the rest of the details of our fabulous trip, but as the hour is getting late for the old lady school marm that I am, I must wait till tomorrow to share with you the beverage excitement that awaited us in Maine.

I also realize that I did not do our first Maine trip justice as far as blogging goes, so I will have to do better this time. So...adieu for now...and more later.

The 11:00 News: Concert Bloopers & Ramblings

2008-05-30T00:10:00.000-07:00

Tonight was the first of two spring concerts--and what a night it was! "They" (whoever "they" are) say that there is a first time for everything. The Bible has a different take and says that there is nothing "new under the sun." I will let you decide where this story fits in....my orchestra kids were up on stage playing away, I was up on stage conducting away when something strange went wrong and I stabbed myself with my baton. Yes, I stabbed myself with my baton. How does that happen one might ask? To begin with, my baton broke a few years ago and I haven't had the heart, time or energy to look into replacing it. It is my trusty old baton left over from my Fredonia days. I have no idea how I managed to do it, but in the middle of a song (while my brain was so busy multitasking) I waved an arm strangely and managed to stab myself with the broken part of my baton. While I was trying to process what had just happened (and continue conducting as if nothing had happened) I looked down and saw that I was bleeding profusely. My brain then thought about the white blouse that I was wearing (all while I was still beating out a 4 pattern)......

My only saving grace was that the students did not notice. In fact, because of where she was sitting, the only person who could've noticed was my principal. Thankfully I made it through the next orchestra song without managing to get blood on my guitar.

After that fiasco, I had to conduct Chamber Orchestra...where I proceeded to give a wrong cue because I was still bleeding. Thankfully my students had enough sense to not totally follow me. At that point I just wanted to walk off of the stage. And in all honesty, I probably could've. Truth of the matter is, once you give the downbeat, all control is out of your hands. I've been working on training the kids to listen to each other not only because it is a basic musicianship skill, but so that in the event of my stupidity, they will be able to carry on.

What a night! Bleeding & conducting at the same time, all while trying to remember who to cue when and not get my blouse dirty....house lights that wouldn't dim...kids who absolutely crack me up...the list could go on for quite awhile. It always amazes me the different personalities of the students--a drama queen who doesn't like being told she can't go get a drink; a boy I throughly enjoy working with, but who needs a personal escort to tell him how to get off of the stage; a girl with a great personality who feels the need to stand up and ask me in the middle of the concert if its ok that she doesn't do the slurs. Ahh well...as frustrating as it all can be, I have to say that I do enjoy the kids I work with and still love what I do. For my 5th graders, this was the third year I have worked with them and it will be sad to see them go. This class has been a special group for a number of reasons.

Anyways, now that it is midnight and I am finally winding down some, I should go to bed. Just for the record--being stabbed with a baton is very painful, I don't recommend it. It's right up there with injuring your index finger while tuning a violin...but I will save that story for a different edition of "Stupid Things I've Done While Working." :-)

Graduation

2008-05-18T20:32:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my brother's graduation and today was mine. I found it fascinating that at both ceremonies the school's chaplain/reverend/religious person were females who tried to encompass all beliefs into their prayers. One of them prayed to the "God of many names," the other one prayed to "the spirit of wisdom that guides us all." I didn't get the feeling she was referring to the Holy Spirit. One of the prayers got so confusing that I was wasn't sure who she was praying to. While I can't be certain, I have a feeling that not too many years ago, those prayers would've (without question) been address to the God of the Bible, not some entity that fits everyone's wants and needs.

Hmmm....

2008-05-16T15:10:00.000-07:00

So today I accompanied the band (at the new school where I am teaching) on a field trip. They were combining with another school and I went along to help and play clarinet. Well, it was a wild experience for many reasons. Let's just say that by the time I got home I had a huge headache. The most fascinating part was that today was the first time in six years that I have really played clarinet. Not only could I remember the fingerings, but I had the endurance to play for awhile. It always amazes me that the Lord gives me the ability to play whatever instrument is required of me at a given time. It ended up that I was sitting inbetween our band teacher and a real clarinetist. Well, by the time we were done playing, the real clarinetist had given me an invitation to play in a clarinet choir!! So...we'll see where the Lord takes me with all of this new stuff.

Hmmm....

2008-05-02T18:19:00.000-07:00

So the friendly teaching assistant and I have been trying to find a good time to go walking. We were supposed to go yesterday, but then had to reschedule. So today, we spent some time together. Did we go walking? Nope, we went and got ice cream.

Abraham...

2008-04-12T22:11:00.000-07:00

In the twenty-five years that he had to wait for the birth of Isaac, Abraham must've cried out to the Lord for help in waiting. How could he not? The Lord told him on multiple occasions that his offspring would be numerous and inherit the land of the Canaanites, but after ten or so years, he still had no children. His faith wavered, Ishmael was born, and then another twelve years went by before Isaac, the son of promise was born. We know that Abraham wasn't perfect in his faith and that there were times he failed, but the Lord still had a plan for him that included amazing blessings.

It's the period of waiting that I wonder about. What were his conversations with the Lord like? Did he cry out in distress, wondering if the Lord was ever going to bless him? Did the Lord really have a plan for his life? There are times when I cry out like Jabez did, "Oh Lord, bless me!"

Now I know that the Lord has blessed me, but sometimes in the middle of circumstances, when the going gets tough, it is hard to see many blessings. After a couple of months of not feeling well, I find my exhaustion level getting worse and my patience running out. My emotions easily get out of whack and its sometimes hard to keep a proper perspective on things. As I read through Abraham's life, it is encouraging to see that he wasn't perfect; that when the going got tough, many times he did fail and make a mess of things. It is humbling as well, that the Lord still blessed him in spite of his failures. So Lord help me, because I surely need your mercy and grace.

The Adventures Continues..

2008-04-05T21:54:00.000-07:00

Over the past few months as I have been struggling through some major life changes, I have to say that the Lord has been gracious in providing me with enough "distractions" to keep me going. One of them has been playing my viola and prepping for my brother-in-law's recital. Almost nine years ago when I started having hand problems, my then viola teacher suggested that I give up the whole music thing and get a new major. Thankfully the Lord had other plans...but it did mean putting my viola on the back burner and taking up violin instead.

But the Lord had told me that I would play again someday--and it looks like that "someday" has indeed come. So He is faithful no matter the circumstances. And it goes to show me that I need to learn to trust Him more--only He can see the beginning from the end, and only He knows what is best for me. Since He has shown Himself faithful in this area in my life--something I've waited nine years for--it seems that it should be easy to trust Him with all the other areas of my life. Unfortunately, I haven't been the best student in that regard. But thankfully He is a patient teacher.

The recital went well Wednesday and I am more excited to practice now than I was before. I am also excited to see what else the Lord has in store. And even if it is just me and my viola working on Kreutzer and Bach, that is perfectly fine. Today I attended the spring recorder workshop and got to try a bass viola da gamba. I've never played one before, but very quickly found myself "signed up" to learn how to play. There is a couple who is going to lend me an instrument and a book--it sounded like they could use a bass player for a group. So who knows....the adventure continues....

More on Practicing

2008-04-01T17:27:00.000-07:00

So I've managed to practice for four days in a row--a good thing since Dan's recital is tomorrow. It may not sound like a huge accomplishment, but I have found that when you're life doesn't revolve around performing (like it did in college), it is hard to actually find the time to practice. Between teaching and just living, it's amazing how much time is taken up! :-) The nice thing is that now when I do practice, I am doing it because I want to and not because I have to. And that in itself makes it worth while!

Mozart at 9

2008-03-18T19:24:00.000-07:00

Practicing fast Mozart passages at 9:00pm is a good way to get yourself revved up for the next couple of hours! Especially when it is a school night and your alarm goes off at 6:00 am. So....back to the drawing board.

Tozer Quote

2008-03-06T17:20:00.000-08:00

Strange as it may seem, the danger today is greater for the fervent Christian than for the lukewarm and the self-satisfied. The seeker after God's best things is eager to hear anyone who offers a way by which he can obtain them. He longs for some new experience, some elevated view of truth, some operation of the Spirit that will raise him above the dead level of religious mediocrity he sees all around him, and for this reason he is ready to give a sympathetic ear to the new and the wonderful in religion, particularly if it is presented by someone with an attractive personality and a reputation for superior godliness.

(Tozer, "How to Try the Spirits", from chapter 28 of Man, The Dwelling Place of God)

Practicing

2008-02-29T22:01:00.000-08:00

So I've found that I really like to practice for a solid couple of hours at a time, and that for some reason I always want to practice starting at 8 or 8:30 pm. The only problem is that this "lifestyle" doesn't fit with either the early to bed teacher routine, or the fact that I live with a roommate in an apartment complex. So back to the drawing board....

Ramblings...

2008-02-24T22:25:00.000-08:00

The Lord used some people at church today to show me a couple of things about myself. I had the opportunity to observe some young folk who are so completely wrapped up in their own world (musical happenings great and small), that they failed to introduce themselves to the new person sitting across the table from them. All they talked about was music, music, and more music. No mention of service to the Lord or others through their music, but instead it was a very self centered conversation. Easy to do if you are living your whole life focused on one thing: music. I've been there and done that before. And that was what the Lord showed me--if He hadn't stepped in while I was in college and forced me to refocus, I probably would've been very similar to the young'uns who were sitting across from me.

So that leads me to contemplate and ask: Lord, what is that perfect balance that You would have us to have. Our music making can have a number of purposes: serving and ministering to the Lord, edifying the saints, witnessing to others.....but it is not supposed to lead us down the path of becoming self centered, competitive musicians. And my heart's cry is to have congregational times of worship that are truly focused on the Lord and led by the Spirit--where people are not afraid to express themselves musically and emotionally in a way that is still decent and in order--and where the planned structure can be thrown out the window because the Lord is directing and guiding the way. I do pray that someday the Lord will allow me to experience that again.

The second thing the Lord showed me today was that He has fulfilled His word to me from eight years ago that I would play my viola again--that arm problems and tendinitis would not overcome me. And I have seen that happen. The Lord has given me the grace to pick up my viola again, and play it better than I ever did before, after eight years of not playing or practicing it. This is encouraging because it flies in the face of "practice makes perfect." Only the Lord can give us the grace and ability to perfect our skills to whatever level He would have us achieve. After only teaching (and not playing) for six years, it has been wonderful playing again, and I appreciate it more than I did before.

Music has always been my outlet for dealing with and working through problems and frustration. I can express myself better in a song or by playing something than using words. And right now it is as if the Lord has given this gift back to me to use for whatever His purposes are. Granted I have no idea where He is going to take me with this, I do know that it is a blessing to be able to show my students how well they could learn to do something if they stick with it.

Please keep me in prayer (if the Lord leads). Right now I have no home church and I feel like a wondering sheep. I know that the Lord is all I need, but after coming out of a church where I had been so involved, it is hard to start over. Especially when you have no desire to. I am not a church hopper by nature and so this is definitely out of my comfort zone. I desire to live a life that is radically sold out for Jesus, but struggle in the midst of discouraging circumstances. Perhaps it shouldn't matter. It certainly didn't seem to in Paul's case; his troubles spurned him to further Christ likeness. But I am thankful for "friends who stick closer than a brother" that the Lord has brought into my life. He knows my weaknesses and that I do much better with few close companions who are traveling the same path. So that is a definite praise!

Anyways, I will thus end my novel as it is almost 10:30 and passed my bed time!

February Break

2008-02-20T17:11:00.000-08:00

So what do two teachers do with a week off from school? Eat our dinners in front of an episode of The Waltons, comment on how late it feels, check the clock to find out that it is only 8:00 and then go and put our pjs on. Nothing like living life in the fast lane!

The Mercy Seat

2008-02-18T22:03:00.000-08:00

I've been listening to the Gospels little by little each night before bed. A few nights ago I was listening to John 20 when I heard the part of Mary Magdalene weeping by the tomb:

(John 20:11-12) "But Mary stood without at the sepulcher weeping: and as she wept, she stooped down, and looked into the sepulcher, And seeth two angels in white sitting, the one at the head, and the other at the feet, where the body of Jesus had lain."

As I was listening it occurred to me that that the two angels sitting at the head and foot of where Jesus had lain was a realization of the mercy seat from the ark of the covenant. Exodus 25 tells us of the two angels that were made of gold seated on both ends of the mercy seat:

(Exodus 25:17-22) "And thou shalt make a mercy seat of pure gold: two cubits and a half shall be the length thereof, and a cubit and a half the breadth thereof. (18) And thou shalt make two cherubims of gold, of beaten work shalt thou make them, in the two ends of the mercy seat. (19) And make one cherub on the one end, and the other cherub on the other end: even of the mercy seat shall ye make the cherubims on the two ends thereof. (20) And the cherubims shall stretch forth their wings on high, covering the mercy seat with their wings, and their faces shall look one to another; toward the mercy seat shall the faces of the cherubims be. (21) And thou shalt put the mercy seat above upon the ark; and in the ark thou shalt put the testimony that I shall give thee. (22) And there I will meet with thee, and I will commune with thee from above the mercy seat, from between the two cherubims which are upon the ark of the testimony, of all things which I will give thee in commandment unto the children of Israel."

It is interesting that God told Moses that the mercy seat was the place He would meet with him, and that many years later, we can come and meet with God because of Jesus' death on the cross and the mercy that was bestowed on us--sinners saved by grace.

Cat Attack

2008-02-18T17:49:00.000-08:00

So here I am down in Houghton, enjoying a week off from teaching, wearing nice new slippers that my mom gave me. My sister's kitten, however, seems to enjoy the pompoms on the slippers and likes to attack me when I am walking by. While I don't really mind walking around with a kitten hanging off of my leg, it does take away from the restful atmosphere of the vacation.

Belated New Year's Post

2008-02-15T08:04:00.001-08:00

I received this in an e-mail from the Berean Call and thought I would post it because it is a good one:

Taken from William MacDonald's devotional book, "One Day at a Time":

New Year's resolutions are good but fragile, that is, easily broken. New Year's prayers are better; they ascend to the throne of God and set answering wheels in motion. As we come to the beginning of another year, we would do well to make the following prayer requests our own:

Lord Jesus, I rededicate myself afresh to You today. I want You to take my life this coming year and use it for Your glory.

I pray that You will keep me from sin, from anything that will bring dishonor to Your Name.

Keep me teachable by the Holy Spirit. I want to move forward for You. Don't let me settle in a rut.

May my motto this year be, "He must increase; I must decrease." The glory must all be Yours. Help me not to touch it.

Teach me to make every decision a matter of prayer. I dread the thought of leaning on my own understanding. "O Lord, I know the way of man is not in himself; it is not in man who walks to direct his own steps" (Jer. 10:23).

May I die to the world and even to the approval or blame of loved ones or friends. Give me a single, pure desire to do the things that please Your heart.

Keep me from gossip and criticism of others. Rather, help me to speak what is edifying and profitable.

Lead me to needy souls. May I become a friend of sinners, as You are. Give me tears of compassion for the perishing.

Lord Jesus, keep me from becoming cold, bitter, or cynical in spite of anything that may happen to me in the Christian life.

Guide me in my stewardship of money. Help me to be a good steward of everything You have entrusted to me.

Help me to remember moment by moment that my body is a temple of the Holy Spirit. May this tremendous truth influence all my behavior.

And, Lord Jesus, I pray that this may be the year of Your return. I long to see Your face and to fall at Your feet in worship. During the coming year, may the blessed hope stay fresh in my heart, disengaging me from anything that would hold me here and keeping me on the tiptoes of expectancy. "Even so, come, Lord Jesus!"

At last an update...

2008-02-12T21:08:00.000-08:00

So the January craziness has ended and I am now into the relatively calm of February. The latest and greatest is that I've finally pulled my viola "out of storage" so to speak and am practicing again. The reason: my brother-in-law needed a violist for his April recital at Houghton. It has been about 8 years since I've played my viola and about 6 since I've even really practiced violin, so it has been quite interesting. But I must say the Lord has blessed my efforts and the past 6 years of teaching have improved my musicianship skills and in turn has given me the ability to practice more efficiently. So I had thought that I had become a violinist....but must confess on beginning to play viola again realized that I am truly a violist at heart. Thus the reason why I love the sound of the bass recorder. I guess the exciting news is that practicing has gone from being a chore to something I enjoy doing and look forward to when I get home from teaching. Now if I can just figure out how to squeeze more than an hour and a half in each day, I will be good to go!

Sundays

2008-01-27T11:13:00.000-08:00

Sundays are supposed to be a day of rest....not a day for doing report cards. It is maddening to me that I have spent both Saturday and part of Sunday doing work related things. My plan was to get the report cards finished Friday (on my day off--day off meaning: day that I'm not supposed to be working) but I woke up not feeling well and it didn't happen. Yesterday afternoon was Solo Festival and afterwards I was able to get some of the report cards done. This morning I was planning on going to my friend's church, but woke up feeling like I didn't sleep all night. So I made the decision to skip church and get started on the cards, because I had a feeling if I went to church I wouldn't have the energy to do the report cards when I got home. Well, at 11:08am, I'm happy to say that I only have 16 cards left to do and I've listened to a fascinating teaching over the internet, but I must say that I am questioning my decision.

You might be asking how I got myself in this pickle to begin with...well, my time at school has been spent preparing for a field trip I took my kids on Thursday and a concert we have on Tuesday. Since the report cards are due Monday, and I am only there three days a week, I just haven't had the time to get them done in school.

There are so many things wrong with this scenario that I won't even attempt to begin naming them. So I will just pray that the Lord will give me the grace to deal with it and that He will meet with me right where I am.

Hmmm....

2008-01-21T20:34:00.000-08:00

I borrowed/stole this from Jaelle. It seems to speak to where I am right now in my walk with the Lord:

DARKNESS BEFORE THE DAWN
by Charles R. Swindoll

Read Genesis 40:20-41:1

The process of discovering, processing, purifying, and shaping gold is a lengthy, painstaking process. Affliction is gold in the making for the child of God, and God is the one who determines how long the process takes. He alone is the Refiner.

This is where Joseph was when we left him. He is still in process. His gold is still being refined. His heart is still being broken by affliction and abandonment.

Those two full years for Joseph were neither exciting nor eventful. They represented a long, dull, monotonous, unspectacular, slow-moving grind. Month after month after month of . . . well, nothing. Not even the Genesis account attempts to make those years seem meaningful. Because they weren't.

That's what it's like when you're in a period of waiting. Nothing's happening! Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.

On the other hand, it only seems like nothing is happening. In reality, a whole lot is happening. Events are occurring apart from our involvement. Furthermore, we are being strengthened. We are being established. We are being perfected. We are being refined into pure gold.

We're back to my earlier comment---Joseph is being shaped for greatness. All whom God uses greatly are first hidden in the secret of His presence, away from the pride of man. It is there our vision clears. It is there the silt drops from the current of our life and our faith begins to grasp His arm. Abraham waited for the birth of Isaac. Moses didn't lead the Exodus until he was eighty. Elijah waited beside the brook. Noah waited 120 years for rain. Paul was hidden away for three years in Arabia. The list doesn't end. God is working while His people are waiting, waiting, waiting. Joseph is being shaped for a significant future.

That's what's happening. For the present time, nothing. For the future, everything!

Mystery Money....

2008-01-12T20:07:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I received a check in the mail from U of R for the exact amount that my last class cost. It was a rather startling event, partially because I have no idea why they would be paying me, but mostly because I came to the realization that this check is worth more than one of my paychecks!!!

New Year's Eve

2008-01-01T20:01:00.000-08:00

Last night as I was trying to fall asleep, I was listening to the book of Luke when I heard the story of the paralytic man who was lowered into the house by his friends. Now I don't know much about the construction of houses back then, but being that they lowered him through the roof, the friends must've gone to some trouble taking apart the roof in order to get him in the house. What stuck out to me was how much work it must've taken these men to get the paralytic in to see Jesus. And then I thought about how easily I am distracted from meeting with Him, and how a diligent effort must be made on my part to meet with the Lord. I have been aware of how many times recently that I know the Lord is calling me, telling me to meet with Him, yet I find things to keep me busy and not meet with Him. This is one thing that I pray would change as I go into the new year.

Three Endings, a New Beginning

2007-12-17T20:20:00.000-08:00

For the past few months I have been praying that the Lord would bring about a change in my life. Not necessarily anything specific, but just some sort of change, something different from the monotony that life can become. I guess I really didn't expect that the Lord would answer the prayer, but He has, in ways very different than I would've thought. The one change I did anticipate, completing my graduate work at Eastman, has finally come. Truthfully, it is a bittersweet ending as I am thankful to not have the coursework, but will miss working with Dr. Fox and spending time at Eastman. I am looking forward, however, to finally having the time just to sit in the library and read what I want to read, not what I need to read.

The two surprises were that through some pretty sad circumstances I am now looking for a new church and will no longer be teaching at my old church. Due to my ankle injury and needing to complete my master's degree, I put off starting my church teaching until January. I was looking forward to starting and already had many things planned out for the year, but was told that I was no longer able to teach there. The sad part is that this all came about because I responded honestly to a question that someone asked me. As I was forming my response, I knew that it could be my "downfall" per se, but I was so convicted that I needed to be truthful that I couldn't change my answer. It grieves me that we've gotten to a place in our fellowship where issues are not looked into and discussed before dismissing someone. If church can not be the place where a person can be open and honest, where we are encouraged to walk in the light as the Lord has called us to do, where do we turn?

As I was taking down things off of the walls the other day, I found myself thinking, "how many hours were put into creating the visuals...if people only knew." Today I packed up the rest of my stuff, five years worth of stuff. The worst part about it is knowing that now I would've finally had the time to plan and try out some things I learned over the summer. I know that the Lord has a plan in the midst of all this, but it grieves me that it has happened in such a way where so many people are affected and that it stands as a poor witness to the people in my life who don't know the Lord. The Bible does say to expect trials and tribulations, so perhaps I should not be surprised. Perhaps it is a sign that we are getting closer and closer to the Lord's return. Whatever the case, it truly saddens me that people inside the church can do more harm to fellow brothers and sisters than I have experienced outside in "the world." I do pray that the Lord would take care of this situation and bring conviction and healing where it is needed.

What will I do with my free time? Rest, spend time in the Word, go through and organize my teaching materials, prepare for a possible move, and catch up on all the visiting I have missed over the past two months. So...one step at a time, I'll keep moving forward. Have a goodnight!

Finally Done!

2007-12-13T17:36:00.000-08:00

I'm done! My presentation is over and my paper has been e-mailed off! So that is a huge praise. And now I'm ready for a break.

Fascinating...

2007-12-07T15:19:00.000-08:00

According to Facebook, the top books in the Rochester area are:

1. The Bible
2. Harry Potter
3. Lord of the Rings
4. The DaVinci Code

5. To Kill a Mocking Bird

I think it's interesting that the top two books are complete opposites as far as spiritual content is concerned!

I'm Done Writing!!!!

2007-12-01T21:16:00.000-08:00

I'm done writing my paper! It has to be revised and polished, but I'm done writing! Woohoo!

Pizza!

2007-11-29T18:21:00.000-08:00

I got home from work today so tired and stressed out that even though I was hungry, I considered going straight to bed. So I did something I've never done before: ordered pizza and had it delivered. I found out that for folks who live in an apartment complex, this is a task left only to the bravest souls who don't mind talking to the pizza guy four times within a half an hour! Ten minutes after I ordered the pizza I received a phone call asking where I lived. I was sort of wondering if this was going to happen, but figured that, living in the age of technology, they could figure it out. I mean, they could've even mapquested it and gotten the play by play. So after I explained it to the guy on the phone, I hung up, turned away from the phone, and it rang again! This time it was someone else from the pizza place asking me where I lived! Immediately I sensed a severe lack of communication and told him I just spoke with someone and gave that person directions. Ten minutes later, the driver called me and asked me to direct him, as he was now in the parking lot. This baffles me, as I have had out of town friends find the complex without four phone calls. Thankfully, the pizza is tasting pretty decent. In conclusion, think multiple times before ordering pizza from an apartment complex!

The End is Near...

2007-11-26T14:25:00.000-08:00

There is a light at the end of the tunnel!!! Eastman wise, that is. After writing like crazy for two weeks, I have completed writing another chapter for my paper and on Dec. 10th I will be presenting the final product. By this Saturday I pretty much need to be finished writing so that I can meet with my adviser next Monday. My meeting today went very well and I am thrilled to say so! Anyways, that's the good news update, and now I must do some revising.

Oops

2007-11-25T16:34:00.000-08:00

I forgot I was going to post a "real post" last week. I'm not going to, because it would be pretty depressing and I will spare you that. So, yeah...

Saturday...

2007-11-17T07:10:00.000-08:00

10:00 Saturday morning. The last thing I want to do is work on my paper, but if I don't, I will be up a creek so to speak. But before I start I do need to do my ankle exercises and read my Bible, so I suppose I should get started. Perhaps I'll post a real post later.

Family Fun

2007-11-16T16:02:00.000-08:00

So I'm at my parents working on my paper. My grandmother has so many different kinds of the 100 calorie snack packs that she probably could open up a small shop. As I went into her closest to get a snack I heard her singing, "Many calories to you, many calories to you..."

Last night at dinner I was telling them how my students reacted to the new oak cello boards my dad had made. There were many cries of "oooh, how smooth and shiny!" To that my grandma replies, "did you tell them they were as smooth as a baby's ass?" As I was sitting there in shock, my mom says, "of course not, they're 4th & 5th graders!"

Nothing is ever dull around here!

You Know You're Tired When (part 2)...

2007-11-13T21:38:00.000-08:00

you put shampoo on your loofah instead of soap!

Someday...

2007-11-12T17:24:00.000-08:00

I'm going to learn my lesson and not check my work e-mail at home...especially an hour before I want to go to bed. Yeah. Got an e-mail from a parent saying that her child was quitting...a child who shouldn't be quitting, and there was no sign of this coming! I wish they would let me know when the child is first thinking of quitting so that we can talk through it together. Once the parent's mind is made up, there is usually very little I can do to change or help the situation. Oh well, have a goodnight.

You Know You're Tired When....

2007-11-11T14:01:00.000-08:00

you are trying to open a can of soup and instead you get gravy.

Enough said!

Ugh!

2007-11-11T09:19:00.000-08:00

As I woke up this morning feeling like I hadn't slept all night, I walked into the kitchen and realized that it hasn't been cleaned in over a month--before I hurt my ankle. It is normally my responsibility to do the kitchen, but under the circumstances I have not been able to. There really is no excuse why it shouldn't be clean, it's quite easy to do if someone gives it at least a once over after cooking. Anyways, I just had to get this out of my system. I'm about to read my Bible, so I may be convicted about this attitude in approximately five minutes. Oh yeah, and I have to do report cards today.

Good Morning Sunshine!

2007-11-10T10:30:00.001-08:00

2007-11-09T22:40:00.000-08:00

Today's verse that I received in my e-mail was:

"It is good for me that I have been afflicted,
That I may learn Your statutes." Psalm 119:71

Sure makes me think!

As hard as this past month has been, I know that the Lord has a purpose in it. Even though I don't know what it is, I become more convinced of this every day. He has caused me to literally just stop, slow down, and think. I find myself listening more, speaking less, and pondering what I say before I say it.

As I continue physical therapy my overall pain level continues to decrease--a huge blessing. Tuesday I went and got a pair of compression stockings/socks. When I am wearing it with my brace, I can actually fit my foot into one of my regular shoes. For two days this week I was able to wear matching shoes to work. As small and insignificant a thing it is, it's nice not to have to wear mismatched sneakers and dress pants at the same time. The stocking/sock is nice because it compresses the leg on all sides and as a result, the pain and pressure feeling is distributed throughout my leg instead of gathering in my foot. I'm also walking better and tolerating longer distances (2 more praises!).

I met with my project adviser today after a month of not being able to really get to Eastman. It was a huge blessing as she was pleased with what I've been able to accomplish. Even though the injury has set me back, she seems optimistic about me being able to finish in the next month. Of course I am going to have to buckle down and spend most of my "free" time working on writing my paper. But it will sure pay off in January when I am done with my master's degree.

It has been a blessed day in many ways, and I'm praying that the caffeinated beverage I had at 7:30 doesn't keep me awake too late tonight!

Time for a Break

2007-11-06T21:21:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I really just need to stop, get out my guitar and have a private worship session to get myself out of a funk. One of my favorite hymns is How Great Thou Art. I've known it for as long as I can remember and I was thrilled when I found the guitar chords. I was rehearsing once with a worship leader who had How Great Thou Art on the list of songs we were going to do, but changed his mind because he said it was, "too hard to put together." This still puzzles me to this day because I just don't understand what was so challenging about the song. It's in 3/4 and there are some jumps in the melody.....but I still don't understand what the problem is. It is interesting what we associate with different things--now whenever I sing that song that memory is brought to mind as I wonder why that person found it to be a challenge.

A Good Verse

2007-11-03T13:01:00.000-07:00

The Lord says:

I will instruct you and teach you in the way
you should go; I will guide you with My eye.

Do not be like the horse or like the mule,
Which have no understanding,
Which must be harnessed with bit and bridle,
Else they will not come near you.

Psalms 32:8-9

This is a verse I surely need to be reminded of!

Phone Conversations

2007-11-01T19:08:00.000-07:00

Last night I was talking to my mom on the phone. I'm in the middle of a sentence and all of a sudden I hear, "do you want me to help you with your teeth?" Was my mom talking to me? No, of course not...I mean, I was only trying to carry on a conversation with her, and in the middle of it she is talking to my grandma about her teeth! Some days you just wonder....

Another Thought on Blessed...

2007-10-29T21:28:00.000-07:00

Just another thought before I turn in for the night: It is a witness to my family when they see my friends helping me out in small ways during this time. On the flip side, it is also a witness when they see me reaching out and doing things for others...such as taking the 2 year old for an afternoon. But it is an even more powerful combination when they see both sides of the friendship taking turns helping each other out. It seems like such a natural thing to me, but it is not such a natural thing if you are used to seeing examples that always express a "me, me, me" (or very worldly) attitude.

Blessed

2007-10-29T20:35:00.000-07:00

The other night I was journaling and I felt the Lord telling me that I needed to focus on the blessings that have occurred since I hurt my foot, and not focus on the things that "should've happened." After I made my list it was pretty impressive, and it was neat to see how varied it was. It wasn't just one or two people who have been helping me, but many different people. For the most part it has been my closest friends and family, but when I think about it, it's pretty awesome because our relationships and friendships are supposed to be 2 way streets, i.e. have a give and take aspect. What an encouragement it has been to see the fruit of my efforts in maintaining my close friendships. Tonight the 2 year old, 4 year old, and their mom dropped by for an unexpected short visit and to drop me some dinner. It was just an awesome blessing to sit and chat for a few minutes while the kids played. And an example to me of how the body of Christ is supposed to function--that we are supposed to help take care of one another and not let them flounder helplessly. At a time when I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be leaving my current fellowship or staying, blessings like these have been not only an encouragement, but also a reminder that the church body does exist and function outside of the four walls of the church.

Sunday Morning

2007-10-28T12:50:00.000-07:00

It's a gray and dreary rainy morning, perfect for just sitting and reading, or just sitting, as the case may be. Skipped church this morning to sleep and rest, as well as spend some time just reading the Word. I've just finished 2 Samuel, and I'm working on Ephesians and Proverbs.

Fun proverb of the day:
"Like a gold ring in a pig's snout is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion." Proverbs 11:22

It's amazing how much can be said in one sentence! Enjoy!

New Camera!

2007-10-27T22:05:00.000-07:00

So I received a digital camera for my birthday and was playing with it the other day. On the left you can see my lovely blue cast, which is complemented quite nicely with the Merrell sneaker on the right. Since my Merrells are practically brand new, it is my hope that the Vibram soles will prove their weight in gold and not get worn out from the crutches

Wednesday I was the height of fashion as I was able to coordinate my shirt with my cast. It was rather humorous as I didn't realize how well they matched until one of my esteemed colleagues pointed it out.

Yesterday I went back to the doctor for the two week check up. I made the mistake of going by myself and was sorely lacking in need of a second brain as I was feeling quite poorly and was not quite with it. I told the doctor that I was still having pain and that I had lost my balance Wednesday and as a result came down pretty hard on the bad leg. At first he said if there was still pain then we needed to leave the cast on. But when he found out that the pain was in a different spot, he decided to take off the cast. Then he gave me an aircast and said I needed to go in to therapy. But he never mentioned the new pain that I was experiencing, and I didn't think to ask again. So I got home and was in the most incredibly pain which last all of yesterday.

A friend took me back to the doctor, but by the time my doctor returned my phone call I had to go to the afterhours clinic. Well, it was probably not the most constructive use of our time, as she proceeded to tell me that what I was experiencing was the result of my sprained ankle. According to the orthopedic I hurt my peroneal tendon and sprained my midfoot. He never mentioned the ankle to me. So it sounded like she was trying to tell me that I sprained my ankle while I was in a cast, which is the strangest story I've heard.

But then as I was looking over my physical therapy prescription this morning, it says my diagnosis is left ankle and mid foot sprain, along with peroneal tendinitis. Go figure! Sometimes I wish I could get a straight story. So if that truly is the case and I did sprain my ankle when I fell and got the other two injuries, then I probably aggravated the ankle sprain Wednesday when I lost my balance getting out of the tub. This is my guess because my ankle is now more swollen than it ever was and is rather painful. My doctor said that if I still needed crutches by the middle of next week that we would have to recast it. My hope is that I will be able to get in to see the physical therapist (a person who has seen me before) soon and get a story that makes sense. I sprained my ankle pretty bad in 2004, so I really don't want to be messing around and not having it heal correctly. Well, that's the foot update for now. I'm signing off!

Pain and Frustration

2007-10-25T16:14:00.000-07:00

I almost made it through 3 full days of work. It sounds strange, but I would've never guessed how much working with an injured leg would take out of me. I left an hour and a half early because I just couldn't do more teaching. Thankfully I moved a lesson earlier this morning to accommodate and ended up only missing one group. Ever since last night I've been in a lot of pain. Probably overdoing it, even though I've been keeping my leg up every possible moment while teaching. I think the problem is that because of orchestra rehearsals both Tuesday and today, I went from 6-9:30 with my foot down. Anyways, pain and frustration is the name of my game right now.

But it has been a good week of doing lessons and it has been a blessing seeing all of my kids. I'm incorporating the "building bricks" from Orff into orchestra and the kids are thrilled about it. Yeah for exciting teaching moments.

Loneliness

2007-10-21T21:58:00.000-07:00

"When the morning falls on the farthest hill, I will sing His name, I will praise Him still. When dark trials come and my heart is filled, with the weight of doubt, I will praise Him still."
-Fernando Ortega

"And when I am alone, oh and when I am alone, when I am alone, give me Jesus."
-Give Me Jesus

I am finding that it truly is a sacrifice of praise to stop and acknowledge that He is still on the throne in the midst of my struggles, and that good will come out of this trial. If I don't stop and put it into perspective, than I find myself sinking into a dark pit of despair. There is no doubt about it, I am lonely. A deep set loneliness that I have not dealt with in a long time, because I am always going somewhere and doing something with someone. But strangely enough there is a peace in it--the Lord's grace I'm sure, because there is no way I can escape or run away from this loneliness--I am physically limited.

But in the midst of it this evening, I was reminded that while He was here on this earth, Jesus experienced loneliness; a loneliness so profound that we probably can not comprehend it. The King of the universe, dwelling on earth in a mortal body, surrounded by humans who "didn't get it," and separated from His Father.

Don't get me wrong, today was a good day. It was wonderful seeing everyone at church; holding the two year old and having him be thrilled to see me...but it was also a reminder of how limited I am right now in what I can do. When you are used to being a person who's constantly moving and usually serving...it is hard to just sit still and let someone else do the work. And not being able to pick up kids and carry them around is just plain strange!

But this too shall pass. Praise the Lord for that. Goodnight.

The Geek Strikes Again

2007-10-20T15:00:00.000-07:00

So I'm going to a bass recorder workshop tomorrow. Not just a recorder workshop, but a bass recorder workshop. I'm thoroughly looking forward to it (with the exception of having to bring my left leg along), and the person running it is said to be a great teacher, so I have high hopes.

I finally got my Orff pictures organized, so perhaps I'll post a few Orff posts. I'm the one on the right--it looks like I'm eating my recorder, or that I've got it shoved up my face. Anyways....

A Blessing

2007-10-19T23:18:00.000-07:00

Since I already posted on my other blog, I thought I would write over here. After three half days of work this week, I woke up today absolutely worn out. Yesterday as I was leaving school, I wasn't sure how I was going to make it home because I felt so bad. I'm supposed to go back to full days next week, but to be honest, I'm not sure how that will work out. I need to give it a try Tuesday and we'll see after that.

So I stayed home today and it was just a nice blessing to rest. I was able to get a few things organized and work on my grad work. A friend came over for dinner and it was nice to interact with a live human being! While I haven't been sitting around all day every day this week, I have been sitting around all afternoon every day this week and it is quite a change from my normal schedule. Anyways...my bed is calling. Goodnight!