Ramblings...

The Lord used some people at church today to show me a couple of things about myself. I had the opportunity to observe some young folk who are so completely wrapped up in their own world (musical happenings great and small), that they failed to introduce themselves to the new person sitting across the table from them. All they talked about was music, music, and more music. No mention of service to the Lord or others through their music, but instead it was a very self centered conversation. Easy to do if you are living your whole life focused on one thing: music. I've been there and done that before. And that was what the Lord showed me--if He hadn't stepped in while I was in college and forced me to refocus, I probably would've been very similar to the young'uns who were sitting across from me.

So that leads me to contemplate and ask: Lord, what is that perfect balance that You would have us to have. Our music making can have a number of purposes: serving and ministering to the Lord, edifying the saints, witnessing to others.....but it is not supposed to lead us down the path of becoming self centered, competitive musicians. And my heart's cry is to have congregational times of worship that are truly focused on the Lord and led by the Spirit--where people are not afraid to express themselves musically and emotionally in a way that is still decent and in order--and where the planned structure can be thrown out the window because the Lord is directing and guiding the way. I do pray that someday the Lord will allow me to experience that again.

The second thing the Lord showed me today was that He has fulfilled His word to me from eight years ago that I would play my viola again--that arm problems and tendinitis would not overcome me. And I have seen that happen. The Lord has given me the grace to pick up my viola again, and play it better than I ever did before, after eight years of not playing or practicing it. This is encouraging because it flies in the face of "practice makes perfect." Only the Lord can give us the grace and ability to perfect our skills to whatever level He would have us achieve. After only teaching (and not playing) for six years, it has been wonderful playing again, and I appreciate it more than I did before.

Music has always been my outlet for dealing with and working through problems and frustration. I can express myself better in a song or by playing something than using words. And right now it is as if the Lord has given this gift back to me to use for whatever His purposes are. Granted I have no idea where He is going to take me with this, I do know that it is a blessing to be able to show my students how well they could learn to do something if they stick with it.

Please keep me in prayer (if the Lord leads). Right now I have no home church and I feel like a wondering sheep. I know that the Lord is all I need, but after coming out of a church where I had been so involved, it is hard to start over. Especially when you have no desire to. I am not a church hopper by nature and so this is definitely out of my comfort zone. I desire to live a life that is radically sold out for Jesus, but struggle in the midst of discouraging circumstances. Perhaps it shouldn't matter. It certainly didn't seem to in Paul's case; his troubles spurned him to further Christ likeness. But I am thankful for "friends who stick closer than a brother" that the Lord has brought into my life. He knows my weaknesses and that I do much better with few close companions who are traveling the same path. So that is a definite praise!

Anyways, I will thus end my novel as it is almost 10:30 and passed my bed time!