Three Endings, a New Beginning

For the past few months I have been praying that the Lord would bring about a change in my life. Not necessarily anything specific, but just some sort of change, something different from the monotony that life can become. I guess I really didn't expect that the Lord would answer the prayer, but He has, in ways very different than I would've thought. The one change I did anticipate, completing my graduate work at Eastman, has finally come. Truthfully, it is a bittersweet ending as I am thankful to not have the coursework, but will miss working with Dr. Fox and spending time at Eastman. I am looking forward, however, to finally having the time just to sit in the library and read what I want to read, not what I need to read.

The two surprises were that through some pretty sad circumstances I am now looking for a new church and will no longer be teaching at my old church. Due to my ankle injury and needing to complete my master's degree, I put off starting my church teaching until January. I was looking forward to starting and already had many things planned out for the year, but was told that I was no longer able to teach there. The sad part is that this all came about because I responded honestly to a question that someone asked me. As I was forming my response, I knew that it could be my "downfall" per se, but I was so convicted that I needed to be truthful that I couldn't change my answer. It grieves me that we've gotten to a place in our fellowship where issues are not looked into and discussed before dismissing someone. If church can not be the place where a person can be open and honest, where we are encouraged to walk in the light as the Lord has called us to do, where do we turn?

As I was taking down things off of the walls the other day, I found myself thinking, "how many hours were put into creating the visuals...if people only knew." Today I packed up the rest of my stuff, five years worth of stuff. The worst part about it is knowing that now I would've finally had the time to plan and try out some things I learned over the summer. I know that the Lord has a plan in the midst of all this, but it grieves me that it has happened in such a way where so many people are affected and that it stands as a poor witness to the people in my life who don't know the Lord. The Bible does say to expect trials and tribulations, so perhaps I should not be surprised. Perhaps it is a sign that we are getting closer and closer to the Lord's return. Whatever the case, it truly saddens me that people inside the church can do more harm to fellow brothers and sisters than I have experienced outside in "the world." I do pray that the Lord would take care of this situation and bring conviction and healing where it is needed.

What will I do with my free time? Rest, spend time in the Word, go through and organize my teaching materials, prepare for a possible move, and catch up on all the visiting I have missed over the past two months. So...one step at a time, I'll keep moving forward. Have a goodnight!

Finally Done!

I'm done! My presentation is over and my paper has been e-mailed off! So that is a huge praise. And now I'm ready for a break.

Fascinating...

According to Facebook, the top books in the Rochester area are:

1. The Bible
2. Harry Potter
3. Lord of the Rings
4. The DaVinci Code

5. To Kill a Mocking Bird

I think it's interesting that the top two books are complete opposites as far as spiritual content is concerned!

I'm Done Writing!!!!

I'm done writing my paper! It has to be revised and polished, but I'm done writing! Woohoo!

Pizza!

I got home from work today so tired and stressed out that even though I was hungry, I considered going straight to bed. So I did something I've never done before: ordered pizza and had it delivered. I found out that for folks who live in an apartment complex, this is a task left only to the bravest souls who don't mind talking to the pizza guy four times within a half an hour! Ten minutes after I ordered the pizza I received a phone call asking where I lived. I was sort of wondering if this was going to happen, but figured that, living in the age of technology, they could figure it out. I mean, they could've even mapquested it and gotten the play by play. So after I explained it to the guy on the phone, I hung up, turned away from the phone, and it rang again! This time it was someone else from the pizza place asking me where I lived! Immediately I sensed a severe lack of communication and told him I just spoke with someone and gave that person directions. Ten minutes later, the driver called me and asked me to direct him, as he was now in the parking lot. This baffles me, as I have had out of town friends find the complex without four phone calls. Thankfully, the pizza is tasting pretty decent. In conclusion, think multiple times before ordering pizza from an apartment complex!

The End is Near...

There is a light at the end of the tunnel!!! Eastman wise, that is. After writing like crazy for two weeks, I have completed writing another chapter for my paper and on Dec. 10th I will be presenting the final product. By this Saturday I pretty much need to be finished writing so that I can meet with my adviser next Monday. My meeting today went very well and I am thrilled to say so! Anyways, that's the good news update, and now I must do some revising.

Oops

I forgot I was going to post a "real post" last week. I'm not going to, because it would be pretty depressing and I will spare you that. So, yeah...

Saturday...

10:00 Saturday morning. The last thing I want to do is work on my paper, but if I don't, I will be up a creek so to speak. But before I start I do need to do my ankle exercises and read my Bible, so I suppose I should get started. Perhaps I'll post a real post later.

Family Fun

So I'm at my parents working on my paper. My grandmother has so many different kinds of the 100 calorie snack packs that she probably could open up a small shop. As I went into her closest to get a snack I heard her singing, "Many calories to you, many calories to you..."

Last night at dinner I was telling them how my students reacted to the new oak cello boards my dad had made. There were many cries of "oooh, how smooth and shiny!" To that my grandma replies, "did you tell them they were as smooth as a baby's ass?" As I was sitting there in shock, my mom says, "of course not, they're 4th & 5th graders!"

Nothing is ever dull around here!

You Know You're Tired When (part 2)...

you put shampoo on your loofah instead of soap!

Someday...

I'm going to learn my lesson and not check my work e-mail at home...especially an hour before I want to go to bed. Yeah. Got an e-mail from a parent saying that her child was quitting...a child who shouldn't be quitting, and there was no sign of this coming! I wish they would let me know when the child is first thinking of quitting so that we can talk through it together. Once the parent's mind is made up, there is usually very little I can do to change or help the situation. Oh well, have a goodnight.

You Know You're Tired When....

you are trying to open a can of soup and instead you get gravy.

Enough said!

Ugh!

As I woke up this morning feeling like I hadn't slept all night, I walked into the kitchen and realized that it hasn't been cleaned in over a month--before I hurt my ankle. It is normally my responsibility to do the kitchen, but under the circumstances I have not been able to. There really is no excuse why it shouldn't be clean, it's quite easy to do if someone gives it at least a once over after cooking. Anyways, I just had to get this out of my system. I'm about to read my Bible, so I may be convicted about this attitude in approximately five minutes. Oh yeah, and I have to do report cards today.

Good Morning Sunshine!

Today's verse that I received in my e-mail was:

"It is good for me that I have been afflicted,
That I may learn Your statutes." Psalm 119:71

Sure makes me think!

As hard as this past month has been, I know that the Lord has a purpose in it. Even though I don't know what it is, I become more convinced of this every day. He has caused me to literally just stop, slow down, and think. I find myself listening more, speaking less, and pondering what I say before I say it.

As I continue physical therapy my overall pain level continues to decrease--a huge blessing. Tuesday I went and got a pair of compression stockings/socks. When I am wearing it with my brace, I can actually fit my foot into one of my regular shoes. For two days this week I was able to wear matching shoes to work. As small and insignificant a thing it is, it's nice not to have to wear mismatched sneakers and dress pants at the same time. The stocking/sock is nice because it compresses the leg on all sides and as a result, the pain and pressure feeling is distributed throughout my leg instead of gathering in my foot. I'm also walking better and tolerating longer distances (2 more praises!).

I met with my project adviser today after a month of not being able to really get to Eastman. It was a huge blessing as she was pleased with what I've been able to accomplish. Even though the injury has set me back, she seems optimistic about me being able to finish in the next month. Of course I am going to have to buckle down and spend most of my "free" time working on writing my paper. But it will sure pay off in January when I am done with my master's degree.

It has been a blessed day in many ways, and I'm praying that the caffeinated beverage I had at 7:30 doesn't keep me awake too late tonight!

Time for a Break

Sometimes I really just need to stop, get out my guitar and have a private worship session to get myself out of a funk. One of my favorite hymns is How Great Thou Art. I've known it for as long as I can remember and I was thrilled when I found the guitar chords. I was rehearsing once with a worship leader who had How Great Thou Art on the list of songs we were going to do, but changed his mind because he said it was, "too hard to put together." This still puzzles me to this day because I just don't understand what was so challenging about the song. It's in 3/4 and there are some jumps in the melody.....but I still don't understand what the problem is. It is interesting what we associate with different things--now whenever I sing that song that memory is brought to mind as I wonder why that person found it to be a challenge.

A Good Verse

The Lord says:

I will instruct you and teach you in the way
you should go; I will guide you with My eye.

Do not be like the horse or like the mule,
Which have no understanding,
Which must be harnessed with bit and bridle,
Else they will not come near you.

Psalms 32:8-9

This is a verse I surely need to be reminded of!

Phone Conversations

Last night I was talking to my mom on the phone. I'm in the middle of a sentence and all of a sudden I hear, "do you want me to help you with your teeth?" Was my mom talking to me? No, of course not...I mean, I was only trying to carry on a conversation with her, and in the middle of it she is talking to my grandma about her teeth! Some days you just wonder....

Another Thought on Blessed...

Just another thought before I turn in for the night: It is a witness to my family when they see my friends helping me out in small ways during this time. On the flip side, it is also a witness when they see me reaching out and doing things for others...such as taking the 2 year old for an afternoon. But it is an even more powerful combination when they see both sides of the friendship taking turns helping each other out. It seems like such a natural thing to me, but it is not such a natural thing if you are used to seeing examples that always express a "me, me, me" (or very worldly) attitude.

Blessed

The other night I was journaling and I felt the Lord telling me that I needed to focus on the blessings that have occurred since I hurt my foot, and not focus on the things that "should've happened." After I made my list it was pretty impressive, and it was neat to see how varied it was. It wasn't just one or two people who have been helping me, but many different people. For the most part it has been my closest friends and family, but when I think about it, it's pretty awesome because our relationships and friendships are supposed to be 2 way streets, i.e. have a give and take aspect. What an encouragement it has been to see the fruit of my efforts in maintaining my close friendships. Tonight the 2 year old, 4 year old, and their mom dropped by for an unexpected short visit and to drop me some dinner. It was just an awesome blessing to sit and chat for a few minutes while the kids played. And an example to me of how the body of Christ is supposed to function--that we are supposed to help take care of one another and not let them flounder helplessly. At a time when I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be leaving my current fellowship or staying, blessings like these have been not only an encouragement, but also a reminder that the church body does exist and function outside of the four walls of the church.

Sunday Morning

It's a gray and dreary rainy morning, perfect for just sitting and reading, or just sitting, as the case may be. Skipped church this morning to sleep and rest, as well as spend some time just reading the Word. I've just finished 2 Samuel, and I'm working on Ephesians and Proverbs.

Fun proverb of the day:
"Like a gold ring in a pig's snout is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion." Proverbs 11:22

It's amazing how much can be said in one sentence! Enjoy!

New Camera!

So I received a digital camera for my birthday and was playing with it the other day. On the left you can see my lovely blue cast, which is complemented quite nicely with the Merrell sneaker on the right. Since my Merrells are practically brand new, it is my hope that the Vibram soles will prove their weight in gold and not get worn out from the crutches





Wednesday I was the height of fashion as I was able to coordinate my shirt with my cast. It was rather humorous as I didn't realize how well they matched until one of my esteemed colleagues pointed it out.


Yesterday I went back to the doctor for the two week check up. I made the mistake of going by myself and was sorely lacking in need of a second brain as I was feeling quite poorly and was not quite with it. I told the doctor that I was still having pain and that I had lost my balance Wednesday and as a result came down pretty hard on the bad leg. At first he said if there was still pain then we needed to leave the cast on. But when he found out that the pain was in a different spot, he decided to take off the cast. Then he gave me an aircast and said I needed to go in to therapy. But he never mentioned the new pain that I was experiencing, and I didn't think to ask again. So I got home and was in the most incredibly pain which last all of yesterday.

A friend took me back to the doctor, but by the time my doctor returned my phone call I had to go to the afterhours clinic. Well, it was probably not the most constructive use of our time, as she proceeded to tell me that what I was experiencing was the result of my sprained ankle. According to the orthopedic I hurt my peroneal tendon and sprained my midfoot. He never mentioned the ankle to me. So it sounded like she was trying to tell me that I sprained my ankle while I was in a cast, which is the strangest story I've heard.

But then as I was looking over my physical therapy prescription this morning, it says my diagnosis is left ankle and mid foot sprain, along with peroneal tendinitis. Go figure! Sometimes I wish I could get a straight story. So if that truly is the case and I did sprain my ankle when I fell and got the other two injuries, then I probably aggravated the ankle sprain Wednesday when I lost my balance getting out of the tub. This is my guess because my ankle is now more swollen than it ever was and is rather painful. My doctor said that if I still needed crutches by the middle of next week that we would have to recast it. My hope is that I will be able to get in to see the physical therapist (a person who has seen me before) soon and get a story that makes sense. I sprained my ankle pretty bad in 2004, so I really don't want to be messing around and not having it heal correctly. Well, that's the foot update for now. I'm signing off!

Pain and Frustration

I almost made it through 3 full days of work. It sounds strange, but I would've never guessed how much working with an injured leg would take out of me. I left an hour and a half early because I just couldn't do more teaching. Thankfully I moved a lesson earlier this morning to accommodate and ended up only missing one group. Ever since last night I've been in a lot of pain. Probably overdoing it, even though I've been keeping my leg up every possible moment while teaching. I think the problem is that because of orchestra rehearsals both Tuesday and today, I went from 6-9:30 with my foot down. Anyways, pain and frustration is the name of my game right now.

But it has been a good week of doing lessons and it has been a blessing seeing all of my kids. I'm incorporating the "building bricks" from Orff into orchestra and the kids are thrilled about it. Yeah for exciting teaching moments.

Loneliness

"When the morning falls on the farthest hill, I will sing His name, I will praise Him still. When dark trials come and my heart is filled, with the weight of doubt, I will praise Him still."
-Fernando Ortega

"And when I am alone, oh and when I am alone, when I am alone, give me Jesus."
-Give Me Jesus

I am finding that it truly is a sacrifice of praise to stop and acknowledge that He is still on the throne in the midst of my struggles, and that good will come out of this trial. If I don't stop and put it into perspective, than I find myself sinking into a dark pit of despair. There is no doubt about it, I am lonely. A deep set loneliness that I have not dealt with in a long time, because I am always going somewhere and doing something with someone. But strangely enough there is a peace in it--the Lord's grace I'm sure, because there is no way I can escape or run away from this loneliness--I am physically limited.

But in the midst of it this evening, I was reminded that while He was here on this earth, Jesus experienced loneliness; a loneliness so profound that we probably can not comprehend it. The King of the universe, dwelling on earth in a mortal body, surrounded by humans who "didn't get it," and separated from His Father.

Don't get me wrong, today was a good day. It was wonderful seeing everyone at church; holding the two year old and having him be thrilled to see me...but it was also a reminder of how limited I am right now in what I can do. When you are used to being a person who's constantly moving and usually serving...it is hard to just sit still and let someone else do the work. And not being able to pick up kids and carry them around is just plain strange!

But this too shall pass. Praise the Lord for that. Goodnight.

The Geek Strikes Again

So I'm going to a bass recorder workshop tomorrow. Not just a recorder workshop, but a bass recorder workshop. I'm thoroughly looking forward to it (with the exception of having to bring my left leg along), and the person running it is said to be a great teacher, so I have high hopes.

I finally got my Orff pictures organized, so perhaps I'll post a few Orff posts. I'm the one on the right--it looks like I'm eating my recorder, or that I've got it shoved up my face. Anyways....

A Blessing

Since I already posted on my other blog, I thought I would write over here. After three half days of work this week, I woke up today absolutely worn out. Yesterday as I was leaving school, I wasn't sure how I was going to make it home because I felt so bad. I'm supposed to go back to full days next week, but to be honest, I'm not sure how that will work out. I need to give it a try Tuesday and we'll see after that.

So I stayed home today and it was just a nice blessing to rest. I was able to get a few things organized and work on my grad work. A friend came over for dinner and it was nice to interact with a live human being! While I haven't been sitting around all day every day this week, I have been sitting around all afternoon every day this week and it is quite a change from my normal schedule. Anyways...my bed is calling. Goodnight!

Sometimes...

I wonder if the Lord gives us seasons of loneliness so that we can struggle through some of the issues that He is working on in us.

Gotta Love Dove

So I was eating the last of a bag of Dove chocolate (no, I did not eat the whole thing in one sitting--It was a bag I had bought to keep in my desk at school, but found its way home after I hurt my foot.) Anyways, I was unwrapping one of the delectable morsels and was surprised to read: "You know what? You look good in red." Now usually the "Promises" found on the Dove wrappers leave much to be desired, but this one hit the nail on the head. I couldn't help but smile as I was sitting here wearing red sweatpants and a red shirt. The even funnier part is that I hardly ever wear red, much less bum around in pants and shirt that are both red!

Happy Birthday to Me!

Birthdays are such an interesting thing. I find that each year it is a completely different experience. It is also interesting how there are people who greatly publicize that it is their birthday and then there are those who don't. Last year my birthday was on a Saturday and the next day at church there was a present left for me, loudly proclaiming that it was my birthday. Sure enough, practically the whole church knew and I had many well wishes.

This year I woke up, miserable as all get out...wasn't even going to church because I have some "upper respiratory infection " as the doctor put it, I had to figure out how to get cleaned up with a cast on, Grandma's still in the hospital...yada, yada. As I sat down to meet with the Lord, and hopefully be able to cast the miserableness aside, I was reminded of a chapter I had read in Elisabeth Elliot's On Asking God Why all about "Happy Birthdays." After that I read Psalm 139. I've always considered that the "birthday psalm," and it is one of my favorites.

And it was a blessing. Perhaps it was more of a blessing than going to church would've been. I suppose I'll never know, but for whatever reason, guess the Lord wanted me in the midst of all these circumstances at this time. It was a sweet fellowship that I haven't experienced in quite a while--and a peace with just being still and hearing God speak, reminding me that He is still with me. Blessed silence! No tv on, no noise, it was wonderful....and bittersweet. As I contemplate why the people who should say happy birthday don't and the people who have no reason to know it's your birthday feel bad if they do find out...I realize that in the end it really doesn't matter, as long as you know where you stand with the Lord.

But it does give you a new appreciation and thankfulness for the things that do happen: a family party that truly was fun in the midst of not great circumstances, someone randomly showing up on my door step to say happy birthday, an unexpected birthday card, and a couple of phone calls. So, when it is all said and done, I am grateful that the Lord did step in and remove the loneliness (and self pitying thoughts that generally accompany it), and that the day was a blessing.

Woohoo!

I tried on some of my work clothes and it turns out that practically all of my dress pants and khakis have wide enough legs that my cast will go through them. That is a huge praise (and load off of my mind.)

2 Samuel 21

I am almost done reading the book of 2 Samuel. The first verse of chapter 21 stuck out today,
"During the reign of David, there was a famine for three successive years; so David sought the face of the Lord."

It seems like the Bible doesn't always speak of the inner struggle that takes place as one goes about walking the path that the Lord calls him or her to. Sometimes I wish we could read of the mental battles and struggles that the heroes of the Bible must have experienced. Like the verse above--did David seek the Lord right away, or did he struggle in the process. Was he at a point in his walk with the Lord where he automatically sought the Lord first without thinking otherwise, or was there first an inner struggle which finally gave way to him seeking the Lord. The semicolon seems to have many unanswered questions in it. Did David only seek the Lord once, after the three years, or at many times during that period?

The Bible says that David was a man after the Lord's own heart, but we know that he wasn't perfect (as none of us are) by his failures which are written about along side of his successes. I think it would be fascinating to read about David's inner battle as he walked through various parts of his life. We get a glimpse in the Psalms, but I think it would be neat to read David's personal commentary on the events that took place in his life.

The Sprained Ankle That Never Was

A week after I fell and hurt my ankle, after a week of various doctors appointments coupled with incredibly intense pain, I finally got around to seeing an orthopedic who correctly diagnosed what was going on. The other doctors kept saying it was a sprained ankle, but I had my doubts because of the type of pain i was having, and the fact that it was going up my leg. So it turns out I damaged a tendon and sprained the top of my foot! All because of an accidental slippage as I stepped into the apartment building!

The results: Wednesday the doctor sent me home with a boot that was supposed to immobilize my foot but allow me to walk. I got home and realized it was too big and my foot was slipping. The next day I went into school with it and it was absolutely horrible...more pain than before. Left school early to go back to the doctor who realized the mistake and gave me a smaller boot. It was definitely an improvement, but it still was painful to walk. So...the last option was to cast it and today I had it done. The receptionist and I are now on a first name basis and I am finally feeling relief from the pain. I am so glad I decided to get the cast. Twas a bit strange because the doctor and an assistant actually tried to talk me out of it. But anyways, for the next couple of weeks I will be stylin with my blue cast and fashionable cast boot. Since blue is my favorite color and most of my wardrobe is built around that bit of info., I will probably be more fashionable now than I have been in months.

The next challenge will be figuring out what clothes I can and can't wear to work over the next couple of weeks...must fit over the cast, but be modest enough so that I can keep my leg up while teaching, and..oh yeah, I have to be able to play cello in it. But that will be tomorrow's adventure (along with getting back to my grad work). God bless and have a good night!

Dismal Day

There are some days you wish you could just start over. Today was one of them. Teaching went pretty well considering all things. I absolutely love the fact that my kids are so willing and ready to help. One kid came in and set up all the stands perfectly without needing help from me--a job I usually do, so that was a blessing. I only went in for a half day today because after how horribly I felt Friday after a half day of sitting, I wasn't sure what to expect. By the time I was done and sitting at my desk I was starting to feel a bit woozy, and by the time I got home I just felt plain awful. My leg is getting better, but my body seems to not be able to deal with it.

So the plan was to come home, put the foot up and work on my grad work. Instead I came home, slept, got horribly distracted and did not accomplish anything. When I tried to download a trial version of SPSS so that I could work on my data input, even that didn't work.

There are some days that I don't even have the desire and motivation to do what the Lord would have me to do in a given situation, but instead do the opposite and get into a mess. Thankfully His mercies are new every morning.

Makes You Think

Here is a quote from the Elisabeth Elliot book I am reading that has kept me thinking:

"This, then, is of faith, that everything, the very least, or what seems to us great, every change of the seasons, everything which touches us in mind, body, or estate, whether brought about through this outward senseless nature, or by the will of man, good or bad, is overruled to each of use by the all-holy and all-loving will of God. Whatever befalls us, however it befalls us, we must receive as the will of God. If it befalls us through man's negligence or ill-will or anger, still it is, in even the least circumstance, to us the will of God. For if the least thing could happen to us without God's permission, it would be something out of God's control. God's providence of His love would not be what they are. Almighty God Himself would not be the same God; not the God whom we believe, adore, and love."

Elisabeth Elliot quoting Mary Wilder Tileston, 1884

When it Rains, it Pours

As I write from my bed, this is day 3 I've been on my back and off of my foot. I spent Wednesday, 1/2 of Thursday and 1/2 of Friday, as well as today sprawled out on my bed. Contrary to my normal self, I've been trying to be diligent in keeping it up, icing, ibuprofen-ing myself and so forth. Yesterday I attempted to go into work for a meeting in the morning. I started off well--kept up my foot during the meeting, but soon had to take my sneaker off because it hurt so bad. Guess that was clue #1. We went out to lunch and I literally went downhill from there--pain to the point where I couldn't move my foot and having trouble speaking coherently. By the time I got home, my whole body was in pain from using the crutches. So back into bed I went and have been ever since.

It's amazing how little you can do when you are supposed to be off of your foot and you live practically alone. Let's see: I keep alternating between crutches and no crutches. If I use the crutches, I can't carry anything. If I don't use them, my foot hurts worse. Getting food is a challenge and don't even mention standing in the kitchen to do the dishes afterward. Needless to say there is a pile gathering dust as I write. Showering--forget it. I was going to attempt it today, but the foot just hurt too bad. While none of these things are life threatening, it is an interesting perspective for someone to experience who normally is very self sufficient.

Mom spent the yesterday in the emergency room with my grandmother and she is now up in a regular room. She has pneumonia. I'd greatly appreciate prayer for her and my parents. I'm especially praying that this would not trigger another round of hospital & nursing home stays.

Lastly, I found out this morning about the unexpected death of a friend's brother (and another friend's cousin). And at that point you just loose your words and start grieving for the family. When you realize that the person who died is the same age as your brother, you start praying all the harder as the reality that we are here only as long as the Lord would have us to be sinks in. So I would also ask that you be in prayer for that family--that the Lord would minister to each person and bring healing where it is needed.

Here We Go Again

So yesterday as I was getting home from work I slipped. On the way down I sprained the same ankle I sprained five years ago...The good news is that at least this time I won't be on crutches for a concert, and it is the beginning of the school year. The disappointing news is that this was my first week of orchestra and seeing the beginners, and now I am out for the rest of the week. It is not as bad as the last time I sprained it, but still quite painful. Projected recovery time: 2 weeks.

All in all, a blessed day

Who knows why the Lord had me take the 2 year old today, but it was nice to be over at my parent's and not be trying to get work done. It was nice spending that time with Grandma and B. I do believe she was blessed by it, and my parent's enjoyed having B. there as well. It amazes me just how much the Lord blesses my time with B. He is an extremely mellow child when he is with me, and it allows me to take him places without too much concern. We went for a walk around the block and he was perfectly content just to sit in the stroller and watch things, pointing out a car every once in a while. I was slightly concerned about when he woke up from his nap, because he is normally very cranky, and when a kid is not in his normal surroundings, one never knows how he is going to react. But the Lord was gracious and he was clingy, but not cranky. Even his mother was blessed to hear that.

It was interesting as the Lord showed me what it was like to take care of a kid "on my own turf" so to speak. Usually I am at the 2 year old's house, taking care of him and the girls, but this time I was at my parent's house and had brought some work to do (in case he took a nap). This may seem oversimplified, but it is amazing how you are not able to get anything done except taking care of the kid, when you are taking care of the kid. Not that I was chasing him around the house or anything, but even when he is playing by himself, there is a certain part of your attention that has to keep an ear or eye open to what he is up to. Not the sort of environment that lends itself to serious study. So..just another interesting experience.

It never ceases to amaze me how the Lord has had me minister to this family, and how He continues to work, teaching me new things and drawing me closer to this family. And even the fact that the 2 year old's personality fits together with mine so well. And then to think that the Lord knew this all ahead of time, orchestrating things so that we would end up where we are today. Even when you take into account the trials and "bumps in the road" of getting to where we are today, it is still pretty amazing how the Lord works.

Ok, I'm rambling on way too much, but it will be interesting someday to see just how the Lord uses all this for His glory. And I do pray that the more my parents and grandmother get to know my friends from church, the more the Lord would use them to be a witness. Who knows, perhaps it will be a 2 year old or a 4 year old who tells them about Jesus and leads them to Christ.

Saturday aka Life Happens

Guess my plans for today were not what the Lord had in store for me. My plan was to get up and go to Eastman for the morning, then go over to my parents and Grandma sit. Well, at 8:45 this morning I received a slightly frantic call from the 2 year old's mother asking if I could come over and watch the kids because her husband needed to be taken into the doctor. So the long and the short of it is that I ended up bringing the 2 year old over to my parent's house while the girls went to another family's house. Needless to say, no work for Eastman has been accomplished, but we have spent time with my Grandmother which for right now is probably a more worthy pursuit in terms of lasting value. There is a part of me that is like, "Oh Lord, I really am trying to get this done...." but I guess this is the point where the rubber hits the road as far as trusting Him to help me finish the grad work. The 2 year old did finally fall asleep on the couch at 4:45 and by that time I was ready for a nap myself!

Just Plain Tired

After being at school and working for 11 hours, I am just plain tired. Not complaining b/c I got a lot of work done...but sometimes it is a bit overwhelming. Whoever says that teachers have it easy because they work "8-3" and have summers off has not spent much time in a classroom recently.

Passion and Purity.

So I have recently finished reading Elisabeth Elliot's Passion and Purity. While I've started reading many Christian type books over the past few years, this is the first one I've completed. A friend of mine and I have been both reading it and discussing it as we go, which has been a huge blessing. It amazes me how many things she talks about that I've thought about, but never heard anyone else verbalize. At one point towards the end of the book she talks about how "the custom of 'going steady' is another form that impatience takes" (p.153) and says that "unless a man is prepared to ask a woman to be his wife, what right has he to claim her exclusive attention?" Since college I've not been into the whole dating thing and have had a "wild" idea that it would be great to skip the dating phase and go straight from friendship to engagement. So it was pretty awesome to hear someone else echoing a similar thought.

Recorder Music Fuge Around the Clock

Eastman Here I Come (Or So I Thought )

Now that teaching is winding up, I'm also trying to get back into the grad work thing. The only way I can access SPSS (a program I need to use for the next step of my project) is to go to the computer lab in the dorm--not much fun when you don't live "on campus." So I thought I'd go over for an hour after school and check it out. Well, as I was walking towards Eastman, I saw one of my former students and stopped to talk with her. Then her mother came by and proceeded to talk to me for the next half hour. In the course of that half hour I saw another one of my students. After finally ending the conversation with the mom, I ran into a person from church. By the time I actually walked into the building it was 5:15. At this point, I ran into my adviser who said to me, "What are you doing here?" "Well, I thought I'd stop by the computer lab and check out SPSS, but after being waylaid by various people, I'm thinking of just going home." Her response was, "Yeah, the computer lab can wait for another day." At this point I figured, might as well listen to my adviser, who just happened to be giving me some advice. Needless to say, after 45 minutes and four conversations later, I gave up and came home, not once stepping foot into the computer lab.

Saturday Morning

When I find myself tired and discouraged, it is often hard to "lean not on your own understanding" in a situation. Granted, I know that the Lord is at work in all the situations in my life, and that He works "behind the scenes" in so many ways that I can't even contemplate. But in the rebellious state of my heart, I don't want to rest in that knowledge and trust Him to know what He is doing.

There are times when I can only cry, "Lord, what is going on in me? What are you doing in my life? and Is it always going to be like this?"

Emotions are a scary thing and I realize they need to be brought under the control of the Holy Spirit, but there are times when, in my own weakness, it feels like I can't take it much longer.

Recorder Geek am I

I did it! I went and checked out the local American Recorder Society chapter and I was so blessed because walking in the door right behind me was someone I knew from church! Yes, I was the youngest person there, but that was ok, and now I actually have music to practice--something I haven't done for five years. Yeah, I'm excited. Goodnight!

LOL!

You Are French Food

Snobby yet ubiquitous. People act like they understand you more than they actually do.

What Kind of Food Are You?

Saw this quiz on lydee's site and decided to take it. I hope I'm not the snobby part and I had to look up ubiquitous (ever present), but the second sentence is actually true. How this all relates to French food I am quite ignorant of.

Mondays

Well folks, it's 8:30 and I'm ready for bed. Gotta love the good old school schedule. Today was the first Monday of the school year and it was very productive. Hip hip hooray! This is quite momentous as productive Mondays are not my forte.

And now for something completely different:

I've decided (if I don't chicken out of it) to go and check out the local American Recorder Society chapter. It meets every other week, so I think that might be doable as far as being "out on a school night" goes. As much of a recorder geek I am and would like to be playing something other than beginning string music, I am hesitant as this is completely out of my comfort zone. The whole going and not knowing anyone there does not sound like fun and I'm not sure if I will last until 9:45. So...we'll see. It would be a good networking opportunity (in addition to the playing part). So...unless the Lord makes it very clear that I'm not to do this, I think I will be dragging myself to the first meeting tomorrow night. Me and my bass, that is (and the other four recorders I'm neglecting to mention.) Yes, in my geekiness, I will show up to the meeting with not one or two recorders, but my bag containing the whole consort.

Some Days....

So, yeah, I just found a left over piece of squished bug on my bed.

A Honkin Horribly Huge & Hairy Bug

As I was sitting on my bed and conversing with the friendly teaching assistant, I looked up and noticed this huge (I mean huge! It was the size of my thumb) centipede type bug crawling up my bedspread towards me. I quickly put my laptop on it while I went to go get a sneaker to kill it with. When I got back, I cautiously lifted my computer up and the thing jumped out at me. I promptly screamed, dropped the phone, and frantically jumped back all while trying to kill it. Meanwhile, the friendly teaching assistant probably thought I was being attacked, and almost didn't believe me when I said the bug was the size of my thumb. It was horrible! I've never been that up close and personal with a bug that size, and I've never screamed unintentionally when dealing with bug killing situations. This was worse than the time in college when spider eggs hatched on my bed. Needless to say, I'm not looking forward to crawling into my bed tonight.

Writing and Waiting

Frustrating evening...I was trying to change one of my guitar strings and broke the new string. So somehow I managed to get the old string back on and had a "cool down" session with the Lord. As I was playing some of the songs I had written a few years ago, I was thinking, "O Lord, it would be nice to have something new." Two things popped into my head. 1) was a comment lydee had made during our two weeks of having to be "creative on demand." 2) The other was that I should write something on the topic of waiting...the main subject at hand in my life right now.

So after playing around for a few minutes, I had a short chorus to a song based on the words "Be still and wait on the Lord, Be still and trust in Him." What a quick answer to prayer! Right now I'm picturing using it with my kids to create a class composition. Having them come up with verses, perhaps a recorder part....we'll see what happens. That's all, I must go to bed. Goodnight.

Mt. Pemetic

Here is one of the Maine pictures. It was taken at the top of Mt. Pemetic. More to follow!

Beach Time

Some people say that getting to know a family and being a "mother's helper" type of person is preparation for having kids of your own. I don't doubt it as today I learned a couple of good lessons:

1) When taking a 2 year old to the beach that has a pier, be sure to pack the stroller. Yeah. We took B. to the beach today, his one and only desire was to boat watch and so the first thing we did was to go over to the pier where the "boat parade" that was going by. We then proceeded to start walking the pier, which I shortly calculated was a very long pier. That + 2 year old who likes to be carried + no stroller=very tired Gina. Thankfully he walked part of the way and my partner in crime carried my water bottle.

2) Make sure you have another person with you when you order take out and have to wait 20 min. while tending to a 2 year old. One person waits for the food while the other person entertains the kid and chases after him.

All in all it was a very fun experience. I was surprised at how content B. was at just sitting and watching the boats go by. I know I love doing that type of thing and could do it indefinitely, but I never knew a 2 year old could have such an attention span as well. As he continues to learn how to talk, it never ceases to amaze me how many times he can say my name in such a short amount of time. He has also recently started saying "Bob," as in the talking Bob the Tomato who lounges in the back of my car. We almost had a crisis when B. could not reach/find Bob while we were driving home. Thankfully we had french fries and my partner in crime was able to pacify him with those. I wonder how many times mothers wish they had a third arm, of the "go go Gadget" type in order to tend to kids in the backseat while driving.

So life goes on and the Lord is faithful to continue to make it interesting. All kidding aside, I am very thankful for these type of "distractions" that keep my focus off of myself and onto blessing others in the midst of my own struggles. He is good, and in the midst of it all, He is (slowly) teaching me how to wait. Slow only because I am a slow learner. But even that He knew ahead of time, so it's not an issue. Anyways, keep looking up, because He is good even in the midst of circumstances that don't make sense from a human perspective.

Coffee

So my track record with coffee this week hasn't been the greatest. I've been getting up earlier and going into school, and it is definitely taking some getting used to. Yesterday I made the coffee and then proceeded to walk out the door without it. Today I got the coffee and water in, turned on the coffee maker, turned my back, and then realized I had forgotten to put a cup underneath it. So hopefully tomorrow will go better.

Musing #564

It occurred to me today that the Lord knows which circumstances we are going to struggle with long before He brings them into our lives. Knowing fully how we will react, He still allows the thing to place in order to do some work in us.

I personally find comfort in that--knowing that He already knows how I'm going to react to a certain situation and that in the midst of it He has my best interests at heart. Especially because there is no doubt that I am in a struggle spot right now, in a couple of ways. But I do need to just continue seeking His face in the midst of it.

Verse that stuck out to me today was "lean not on your own understanding." So yeah...that's about where I am.

The Lord Throws a Curveball

As I was praying this morning, the Lord directed me towards Psalm 37:3-7--a passage that He has spoken to me through many years ago in college.

"Trust in the Lord and do good;"
I have a hard time getting past the trust in the Lord part, especially trusting that the Lord has an awesome plan for my life and trusting that He has the deepest desires of my hand firm in the palm of His hand--that He's not out to just dangle something in front of my eyes and then snatch it away, as if He is playing a game with me.

"dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture."
I am throughly blessed in this area as I have been dwelling where He has planted me. Can't forget the summer right after I graduated college and was volunteering at Basilea, and how He spoke to me that I was supposed to go back to Rochester and teach there. And seeing what has happened in the five years since He told me that has been awesome. Granted it has held its share of struggles, but I still wouldn't change it (or at least much of it).

"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart."
And this is where I stumble. Does He really want to give me the desires of my heart? Not the fleeting, surfacy ones of my own creation, but the deep seated desires that I believe are from Him--the ones I've tried to pray away over the past seven years and has not happened. The scary part is that now, as that desire grows stronger, what will happen? It may seem a silly question to ask, unless you are the person who has dared to hope that someday this desire will come true, but has also contemplated the possibilities of it not coming to pass. And to finally see a faint glimmer of it possibly happening leaves me wondering what the Lord is doing with me. Lord have mercy!

Svelt vs. Smelt

So after 6 hours of sleep I drove from Buffalo to Rochester to Grandma sit today. At the dinner table tonight:

Grandma: "If your mother quit having ice cream every night, she'd be nice and svelt."
Me: "What's svelt?"
Grandma: "Svelt, you don't know what svelt is?"
Me: "No, I've never heard of it before."
Grandma: "But you're a college student, you should know that."
Me: "Well, what is it?"
Grandma: "slim and trim"
Dad: "Yeah, isn't that the same thing as smelt?"
Mom: "No, that's a fish."

Me: "Wow! I'm going to have to put that on my blog."
Grandma: "You mean on the intercom?"
Dad: "No, on the internet!"

ahh, good times at the dinner table!

A Wonderful Week Off!

Yesterday began my wonderful week off. Today's exciting event included sleeping in until 10 a.m., lounging around and reading all day, and staying in my pajamas until 5 p.m. Boy was it exciting! My main goal this week is to relax and get some sleep, with a possible trip to Buffalo on Friday. That's about all for now!

The Service

Sometimes I really want to update my blog, but I can't find the words to make it sound decent. leading worship went well today, thanks to the Lord's intervention. I really thought I was in for when I woke up congested this morning, but praise the Lord because He made it sufficient and people were blessed by it. So that is a huge praise! I guess the best word to describe the service today is bittersweet.

a few of us stayed back to help get set up for the reception-- it was also a real blessing just work "behind the scenes." Serving people as they were coming through the food line was also a form of ministry as you get to interact with each person. And the children who were there had the best manners I've ever seen kids have. "please, thank you, yes ma'am and no ma'am"

After everything was said and done I went back home and crashed for about an hour and then went over to visit a family of friends from church. I has a neat story to tell about my time there today, but it will have to wait because I'm going to bed. So have a good night!

Tomorrow

Even though it's way too late (11:55), I wanted to write a quick post. Tomorrow is the funeral for the friendly teaching assistant's aunt and I'm leading worship for the service. It is exciting in the sense of leading worship puts me in a position where I've got to completely trust the Lord to take care of my inadequacies and make it sound decent. I guess my mental image would be that of a tightrope walker. So I pray that it would go well, people would be blessed, and that He would be glorified. Amen!

Done!

I'm done with music history! Woohoo! I just got home from taking the final and it went ok--a huge blessing considering the lack of time I had to study. So--Praise the Lord!

Package...

I got a package in the mail from Lydee today--a very excited event as I never get packages. As I am opening it (with a rather excited anticipation), I suddenly saw the brown spine of a library book, and low and behold, it was the Hugh Orr Soprano Recorder book we got out of Sibley--a book I'd rather not see again as it promotes the playing of high G's and A's on a soprano recorder, a dangerous endeavor for all those involved. Thanks for the package Lydee. It gave me quite a chuckle!

So yeah....

I miss Orff and playing recorder. As intense and stressful as it was at certain points, I did thoroughly enjoy it (and learned a lot). Probably one of the most satisfying parts was simply making music with other music geeks. After five years of teaching and not being part of an ensemble where I have something to practice, I am itching to play music of a much harder level than beginning strings. I think that is partially why I am the recorder geek that I am. And yes, in the end, I did get to play harder recorder music (Telemann Canonic Sonata #3--basically a canon on steroids), so that was a blessing as well. My next step is to see how well I can play that on bass (instead of alto).

Let's see...having Lydee here for two weeks was awesome...without a doubt the biggest blessing was getting to know the people in the class. Having lunch and sharing many conversations M.H. was a highlight. It worked out well, because she was usually grading papers and I was looking for a spot where I wasn't going to have to interact with many people. Yes, I am an introvert at heart and need time to regroup after spending hours with a large group of people. Perhaps this is why I come home many times absolutely exhausted after teaching. Anyways, it is exciting to get to know people and start to build new relationships as you never know where the Lord will take you with them. I am hoping that He will give me the grace to keep in touch with the people I have gotten to know over the past two weeks, because this is usually not one of my strong points. Seeing that it is 11:00 and I have to get up early, it is time for me to sign off. Have a goodnight!

Interesting Music History Tidbits

Now that Orff is over and Lydee is on her way back to West Virginia, I am trying to get caught up on my music history reading. Our final and last day of my music history class is this coming Friday and I am two chapters behind (insert deep breath). I will update later on Orff as there is much to share.

We are now in the 20th century in our music history endeavor. In the art field, success "was measured not by wide popular appeal but by the esteem of intellectuals and fellow artists." I found this quite interesting as I can see that is an attitude that is still prevalent today. Professionally we look for the encouragement, endorsement, and approval of our colleagues and those in higher circles than we are. We look up to those who have gone further than us academically. I'm sure this statement can be applied to many areas, but it just struck me of this is still true in the professional & education realm.

Something else that I probably should've known but never thought about was when the capability to record musicians came about and people started buying recordings, "listening to recordings often replaced amateur music making at home." That is huge! And to think of how incredibly affected we are by that today. In my experience, I have found that there is a general attitude of people not wanting to make music because they aren't professionals and they won't be able to sound like the recordings. But there is also the flip side, that people do make music in hopes of emulating a favorite band or recording. Well, those are the thoughts for the moment. I need to stop blogging and get back to my reading.

The Ending

After going back to Eastman tonight and spending quality time with my alto recorder, things are starting to look up. Can't tell you how nice it is just to play outside of the context of 20 people trying to play high G and A on a soprano recorder. I was ready to light the fire under my soprano recorder after class today. The good Lord created alto recorders for a reason, and now I know why! Have a goodnight!

Ugh!

Today is a "just wish I could cry" day. I am so tired that my emotions are easily getting out of control. Lord have mercy on me! Last night we had a folk dance which was extremely fun, but going to bed after midnight did not help matters this morning. Oh well...thankfully this pace won't last forever. It is hard to not complain and to have a bad attitude when I am this tired, but I think the Lord is just teaching me to lean on Him. So, that is a praise.

Want an Update?

For a daily update of our Eastman activities this week, check out lydee's blog. She is much better at wording things than I am! Today went much better. I was so blessed to sit and have lunch with one of our instructors and talk through a few things. It seems like we hardly get to spend quality time with them this year. When we took Level II it seems like we talked with them more. But then we only had 10 people, this time we have 20, and last time both Janet and Mary Helen had lunch with us each day. This time that hasn't happened. Oh well, it is 11:00pm and 5:30/6:00 is going to come way too soon, so I better sign off for the night.

PS-Jake, I haven't had a chance to read your e-mail and probably won't until after next week. Hope things are well! Goodnight!

Orff III

My friend lydee has come up from W.V. and we are in the midst of taking our last Orff level at Eastman. The class goes from 8:30-4:00 everyday and will finish next Friday. This is our 3rd Orff level that we have taken together and so far it is going ok. There are some things that I am really enjoying and one thing that I am thoroughly disappointed over. We are spending more time talking about pedagogy (which I enjoy) and I love the movement portion of the class. The one thing that I am struggling with is the recorder class. I absolutely love playing recorder and am a recorder geek to the nth degree....but I am bored stiff in the class. I was looking forward to being challenged this year and right now I find myself trying to think of some way to challenge myself during class so I don't get antsy. I am that child who will get rebellious in class because he or she is bored.

It may seem like a silly thing to get upset over, but I am finding it hard to keep my emotions under control as I am extremely exhausted from this class, and my MWF 6-8pm music history class. Taking the two classes together is a slow, painful death, and I find myself getting more bitter as it goes on. But thankfully the Lord does provide times of relief and brain breaks. We get an hour lunch, so, if I eat during the first half, lock myself in a practice room and play for the second half, it seems to give me back some level of sanity.

the end. Have a good night.

Encouragement!

This was the verse that was in my inbox right after getting home from a physical and learning that I really need to lose 40lbs:

[Jesse was showing off to Samuel the first of his
fine sons. Samuel was very impressed but the
Lord spoke to him:]

“Do not look at his appearance or at his
physical stature, because I have refused him.

For the LORD does not see as man sees; for
man looks at the outward appearance, but the
LORD looks at the heart.”

1 Samuel 16:7

Sense of Humor

I think the Lord has a sense of humor because 15 minutes after I posted my last blog, the "friendly teaching assistant" gave me a call and asked me if I was still irritable.

Morning Woes

Boy have I been having a hard time getting started each morning! I wake up tired and irritable, and then I have a hard time concentrating on what I am supposed to be accomplishing. Most of the time I just end up wasting an hour or two before I actually start getting to work. Right now would be one of those instances. I sat down and started to work at 10 o'clock and it is now 11 o'clock and I've hardly gotten anything done. Anyways, I could use some prayer in this area. Thanks!

Dude!

Sub Contrabass Recorder by Adriana Breuknik

Featured on Cover of Spring 2001 Recorder Magazine

**I think I am too short to try this recorder, but boy would it be fun!

Mozart

It amazes me how in a time and age when travel was slow and often times dangerous, so many 18th century composers (and especially Mozart) traveled all over Europe. During his 11 years of touring as a child prodigy, Mozart traveled literally all over Europe (1762-1763).

In the age of travel and technology that we currently live in, (with the exception of going to Canada) I have not left the United States.

Granted Europe is smaller than the US, but there still seems to be something strange about this comparison!

Niagara Falls

Yesterday I took a trip to Niagara Falls with my "other family" and had a wonderful time. We stayed on the American side, went on the Maid of the Mist, got soaked as we went up the stairs that go right by falls, rode the trolley, and did fun things related to being at Niagara Falls.

As I was searching for a photo to post, I was reminded of a Niagara Falls trip with my sister and a few friends. It all started with the four hours it took to get there.....(this was only supposed to be a two hour trip). We were driving my parent's van decided to start acting up. We stopped at a place near Buffalo to have it looked at. I don't remember what the problem was, but when we left, I was driving the van with both feet, keeping one feet on the break the whole time.

When we finally got to the Canadian side we had a great time.

But when we got back to the car, we discovered a slight problem, a.k.a the keys were locked in the car. (I think it might've been my fault.) So...AAA here we come! Only we were in Canada, so we had to call the CAA.

(Yes, that is my lovely sister on the phone with CAA.)

45 minutes later they finally came and we were on the road again!

All in all it was a memorable experience, besides, can I really complain when I got to drive across the Canadian/U.S. border wearing a fish hat?

4th of July Festivities

1) Rain: Many people may not be too excited about this one, but I am glad it is raining, as we haven't had rain in quite a while and it is much needed.

2)Eastman: Yes, I've taken up my post in the Eastman library, getting ready to study music history. Why? Because we have class tonight--yes, we have class on the 4th of July. There are only 5 of us in the class, so I can't exactly skip out either. I could've been in Vermont at this time....but, once again, Eastman has claimed me. Must remember: "this too shall pass." In fact, in 5 weeks it will be over. But in the mean time, I should enjoy the fact that I got to sleep in, study at the library where it is quite, and that I am getting a break from teaching. So....a lesson in being content with the Lord has given you.

A Couple of Interesting Links

1) The Dash Movie

2) The Rope

Enjoy!

Why I'm Not Married.......

While reading my music history text today, I came across the answer to one of life's mysteries... why I am not married:

"Dancing is essential in a well ordered society, because it allows males and females to mingle and observe one another. How else does lady decide whom to marry? Through dancing, she can tell whether someone is shapely and fit or unattractive and lame, whether he is in good health or has unpleasant breath, and whether he is graceful and attentive or clumsy and awkward."
-Thoinot Arbeau 1589


I guess doing folk dancing with my kids at church doesn't count!

Psalm 33:16-19

No king is saved by the multitude of an army;
A mighty man is not delivered by great strength.
A horse is a vain hope for safety;
Neither shall it deliver any by its great strength.
Behold, the eye of the Lord is on those who fear
Him, On those who hope in His mercy,
To deliver their soul from death, And to keep
them alive in famine.

Psalm 33:16-19

At first glance it doesn't really seem that this psalm applies to us today, but when I start to think about how many things I put my trust in (instead of the Lord), then it becomes relevant. The Lord is the only one who can save us and keep us afloat--He needs to be our strength in time of need. Our own individual efforts will not get us far, and I find that the more I trust in my own efforts, the more worn out I become. Lord, I do pray that you would teach us to turn to you for all of our needs, that you would be the solid Rock upon which we stand, and that we would truly know that You will not give us more than we can handle. Thank you that You are ever present with us. Amen!

Classic Sesame Street - Yo Yo Ma and the Honkers

Found this old Sesame Street clip and thoroughly enjoyed it. Have fun!

Ludicrous...

"In Rhode Island, a kindergartner was suspended for bringing a plastic knife to school so he could cut cookies."

"citing reports that a 10-year-old girl was expelled from a Colorado academy after giving a teacher a small knife her mother placed in her lunchbox."

For the full article: click here

He knows...

The Lord knows...knows everything about us...our deepest longings, desires, fears, everything. It is so encouraging to know that He will give us exactly what we need, and He gives it to us in His timing. Went down to Letchworth and met up with some Fredonia friends, some of whom I haven't seen in five years. It was such a blessing and so encouraging to hear how the Lord has been working in their lives. And it came at a time when I truly needed something to keep me going. It's like the Lord is saying, "I haven't forgotten about you. You're time will come." Sometimes life overwhelms me and I get bogged down in the circumstances surrounding me...forget to look up in the middle of a trial. And then the Lord makes His presence known, that He hasn't forgotten you and is still on your side. How wonderful that is!

Winding Down....

Things at school are winding down, and with each thing that is completed I can breathe a sigh of relief. This has definitely been my most challenging year yet. (See my other blog.) But the Lord is bringing me through and I'm sure He has a purpose for it happening.

Sunday I had a visit with a couple of string teacher friends o mine--a time just to kick back and relax. And what a blessing it was!

Life Happens

Sometimes it feels like I just can't win. Revisions to my paper that I really should've had done a week ago got postponed because of concerts, a party, and a death in the family. So I set out planning on buckling down this past weekend to get it done. I got a good start Friday which was encouraging. Saturday came along with a family who needed emergency babysitting, and then my Grandma was taken to the hospital that night, aka, a very late night for all involved. Sunday brought a much needed nap and some small progress on the paper, and yesterday I spent all afternoon on it. I got everything done with the exception of one thing. So the plan today was to leave school right away and come home and work. I didn't get home until 6:00, sat down to eat dinner at 6:45 and got to my computer an hour later. By the time I got my computer booted up, I realized that it was almost 8:00 and I needed to get in the shower soon if I was going to get to bed in order to get up at 5:30 and start the whole cycle over again. Tomorrow I meet with my adviser who is expecting me to have it completely done. Unless the Lord works a miracle for me, it won't be done. It is super frustrating when you are actually trying not to procrastinate and instead it looks like the biggest procrastination plan ever thought of! Anyways, tomorrow I meet with my adviser, Thursday night is another concert, and the cycle continues. And lets not forget that report cards for 2 schools are due soon.

The Bible says that when we are weak, He is strong. I am supremely hoping that this will prove itself true as I am in the middle of navigating the craziest three weeks of the year.

A Day Off!

Boy am I thankful for a day off from school! I can't describe how nice it was not to set the alarm and then to be able to think through what needs to be done today. The down side is that running errands like going to the bank and getting gas takes twice as long because so many people had the same thought. I figured I'd stop and do a few errands before I got to the Eastman library, but those "few errands" took an hour and a half! Such as life I guess.

One other venting before I sign off and get to work on revising my paper: Eastman is now in summer mode, which means the library closes at 5:00 during the week and is closed on the weekends. If you only knew how much of a pain this is for a "summers only" Eastman student. (And not to mention that it is one of the few air conditioned places that are quiet )

That's all folks! More later!

This Time Every Year....

It is this time each year that things become extremely stressful and overwhelming for me. This is the third year in a row; it is the combination of concerts, teaching, and grad work. There is a defined pattern: January is hectic due to winter concerts, February provides much needed relief, in March things start to get hairy, and April-June is just none stop craziness. Spring break is nice, but two weeks later I am ready for another one!

I'm not quite sure how to explain the craziness, except partial results include being at school from 7 or 7:30 am-4 or 5 pm many nights. My day is supposed to end at 3 and it is rare that I leave when I actually leave at that time. Lately I have been coming home to either do grad work, plan for church, or take part in some commitment related to one of the above. My mid-week stuff is so busy that sometimes I literally crash when I get a day off and stay in bed reading most of the day. I realize that keeping a balance between working and resting is the key, but this is my 5th year trying to master it. Sometimes I just wonder if the Lord has me in a season where this is not necessarily possible. It does force me to depend on Him for my strength. After lunch is probably my lowest energy time of day, and the more stressed I get the less patience I have with the kids. Frustrations should not be carried between lesson groups, but today I found myself praying before each one came in, because it is so easy to take out my frustration on the incoming lesson group.

This is just a "step-by-step" season for me I guess, and it is something that I don't always succeed in--depending on the Lord for each step of the way. Even coming home from school is sometimes stressful because I don't want to interact with people anymore and I know that that is inevitable when you live with someone!

I know we weren't promised an easy life free of trials and tribulations, but sometimes I wish that in the midst of all this there could be a rest, a "get away from it all retreat down to the monastery" or something similar. In many ways I feel like I've reached my limit, the type of limit where if someone else asks me something music teaching related, I may just lose it. Granted this is not how the Lord would have me react, but sometimes that is my fleshly response. ah well....

Absolutely Exhausted.....

Well, I'm not sure what to write except for the fact that I am absolutely exhausted! Not sleeping well for a couple of nights, coupled with stressful days is not helping the situation. On a positive note, my graduate work is going well. My project is a survey of music education programs in Calvary Chapel Schools and the e-mails I have received from teachers have been enthusiastic about the project, so I am encouraged greatly in that area. The surveys were mailed late Monday afternoon and one of them has already reached California!

Sorry....

My apologies for the lack in my updating. Life continues to be crazy busy and in the midst of it blogging falls behind. If you think of it, please pray for me. Thanks!

Edge of the Orion Nebula

Photographs like this never cease to amaze me. I particularly enjoy seeing photographs of the Orion nebula because this nebula can be located in the sky without a telescope or binoculars.

This particular photograph came off of the NASA website.

Psalm 141

Let my prayer be set forth before thee as incense; and the lifting up of my hands as the evening sacrifice.
(Psalms 141:2)

I was so blessed when I first read this verse because it immediately brought to mind the monastery where I worked for a couple of summers.

"As the prayers rise before You like an evening oblation, I come and kneel before Your throne."

The interesting thing about incense, if you have ever observed it for awhile, is that it is a continual stream that rises up. There is no break in it. Not only that, but it permeates the entire surroundings of where it is being burned. What an amazing analogy for prayer! We are exhorted to pray without ceasing (1 Thes. 5:17) and our prayers should surround all that we do. Our days should be covered in prayer, much like the incense cloud tends to hover above and cover the room that it is being burned in.

How awesome it is that the Lord chooses to use our life experiences to open up the truth of the scriptures to us and to instruct us in the way we should go!

Come Ye Sinners

"Come ye sinners, poor and needy, weak and wounded, sick and sore. Jesus ready stands to save you, full of pity, love, and power.

I will arise and go to Jesus, He will embrace me in His arms. In the arms of my dear Savior, oh there are ten thousand charms..."
-Come Ye Sinners, Poor and Needy

I went up and saw my grandmother in the hospital tonight. This was the first time in at least a month that I have seen her and it was good. My mom said that she has been getting terribly lonely around dinner time and after, which is the time that I had been visiting her up at the nursing home. So, it looks like my rounds of regularly visiting her after work around dinner time will be beginning again. As I was listening to this song, it reminded me of her and how frail she seems, and how much she needs to know the Lord. At the same time I am reminded of myself and how needy I am as well. The Lord has been doing a work in me this week--hard to describe, except that it is me being forced to lean upon Him for each activity that needs to be accomplished, literally one step at a time. For I have been exhausted and overworked this whole month. It is amazing how stressful it has been, yet at the same time He has been faithful to bring me through it. "This too shall pass."

This morning as I was sitting in a professional development meeting, I truly had no idea how I was going to make it through the rest of my busy day as I was almost falling asleep at the table. But as I was driving to church this afternoon to teach two of my classes, the Lord literally revived me and gave me a peace about teaching. Even as the first class started, He even renewed my joy for teaching these kids. During the second class one of the students had a melt down, something that has never happened before in that class, but even that worked out for the better. This is a class that needed some refocusing and some serious discipline and the incident literally shocked them into submission. The Lord reminded me of a classroom management strategy that I had not used in a few years--it worked so well today that we are going to keep using it.

What I was really worried about for today was meeting with my adviser. I am almost finished writing my proposal and was not able to finish for today's meeting. But the meeting went so well, and because she is going out of town next week our next meeting isn't until the end of my spring break, so I will have my week off from teaching to finish writing my proposal. I am so excited about that. And that I can relax this weekend. This coming week is our huge district wide 400+ student String Festival. While I do enjoy the event, I don't enjoy the stress the leads up to it. This month has been so busy with All County, the String Festival preparations and budget woes that I've literally been losing my mind. I can tell that I am absolutely fried when I keep mixing up simple conducting patterns during orchestra rehearsals. But thankfully this will be over soon.
I was blessed today to run into one of my theory teachers from the summer, and to hear about the professorship that he was offered. And to have someone be able to relate to the stresses of working and going to school at the same time-it was just a wonderful conversation! So, I have been greatly blessed today and thankful that the Lord has carried me through it. I do pray that He would continue to uphold me in the palm of His hand!

One Step at a Time

It is of the LORD's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness. The LORD is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him. The LORD is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him.
(Lamentations 3:22-25)

Peace that passes all understanding

As I was sitting here crocheting, this was brought to mind: the Lord slept through the storm on the boat.

"That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, 'Let us go over to the other side.' Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, 'Teacher, don't you care if we drown?' He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, 'Quiet! Be still!' Then the wind died down and it was completely calm. He said to his disciples, 'Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?' They were terrified and asked each other, 'Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!” (Mark 4:35-41 NIV)

He had no fear of the storm because He knew who was in control of it. The Lord has the power to calm the storm in my life right now, but even if He chooses not to change the circumstances, I have to rest in the knowledge that He is in control of the raging storm and will stop it in His timing. Jesus was able to rest in the midst of the storm.

David wrote, "I will both lay me down in peace, and sleep: for thou, LORD, only makest me dwell in safety" (Psalms 4:8). David was able to rest in the midst of his trials.

It is as if the Lord is saying to me, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?" He gives us the peace that passeth all understanding. How I need that now!

Sunday Afternoons....

There is something about Sunday afternoons--both last Sunday and today I went to the library after church in order to do some grad work and was thoroughly blessed by how productive it was. I've gotten more done in the three or four hours I've spent there these two Sundays than I usually get done on my Mondays off. I have been so stressed this week over my grad work and many other things that seem to all be taking place at the same time. The stress was so bad that Tuesday morning when I started the day, I was at the point of almost lashing out at the kids. (It usually takes quite a bit to ruffle my feathers that much!) So I don't understand what is really going on, or what the Lord is trying to show me. This is the first time in a long time that this has happened. I've also gotten into this vicious cycle of not sleeping enough, therefore I'm too tired to absorb what I read each morning, going through the day without any refreshment from the Word, and then stressing & worrying at home and not being able to sleep.

My adviser wants my whole proposal written for my project by the end of this coming week, and this is after we recently revamped the whole project, so in some ways I had to start over with my writing. It was almost a month ago that we last met, but between me being sick, and general craziness teaching wise, I have not been able to work on the project very much. But today was very encouraging as the Lord gave me what I needed in order to keep a major section of my first proposal and incorporate it in my second proposal. So now I am quite hopeful that the Lord will give me the grace to get this done.

This all comes in the midst of extreme stress due to proposed budget cuts for next year. The superintendent wants to make cuts in the music program, specifically the elementary instrumental (band and strings) program. If these proposed cuts make it into the final budget, there will be major changes in our music program next year. Right now I am teaching a four day student load in three days. If my time is cut more, my program will be basically ruined because there is no way you can teach 80 some kids in two days and still have quality. A worse possibility still is that I would be transferred to another school. What to do with all that? Please pray that I would surrender these things to the Lord, because in the end, His will will be done no matter if I've stressed over it or not. The possibility of change is scary for a number of reasons. But who knows, I suppose if the Lord wanted me there full time next year, He could work that out in the midst of all these budget woes. So..."be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10).

Stressed

I am absolutely exhausted! There is so much going on that I am having a hard time keeping track of things. But I am thankful for an extremely productive weekend, so that is a good thing. I'll have to write more as my brain is so fried that I can't think!

Randomness

I found this on an advertisement:

"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."--Popular Mechanics, 1949

Computers took up the space of entire warehouses back in 1949.

Teaching Blog

I've started writing on my other blog as well. So check it out!
http://teachertakes.blogspot.com/

Absolute Craziness!

Time for an update. After being out for a week, and then returning to school during a week when there was state testing, I thought things would be a bit calmer in my realm of the school. The week turned out to be anything but calm. Due to the testing I had fewer lesson times, so lesson groups were doubled up. Wednesday and Thursday both tuned out to be 11 and 12 hour days as I had to go to an All-County rehearsal one day and a PTA meeting the next. Preliminary budget information came out last Tuesday which was like receiving a bombshell in some ways. Today I stayed after for a budget related meeting which ended at 6. When I get to school at 7, it makes for a long day. I'm not complaining, it's just a lot. Thankfully the Lord has been gracious in getting me though it. I've decided to take my other blog and use it for posts related to teaching. So starting tomorrow, check it out!

After a Week of Being Sick...

After a week of being sick, I am thankful to have had such a productive day catching up on many things around here. I don't recommend hitting your head on a car door, it can cause major headaches (both literally and figuratively). First of all, if you go to the doctor for it, you have to claim it on your car insurance, even if the car was stationary when you hit it. I couldn't believe it. Secondly, don't have major headaches and the flu at the same time, not a good combination. Third, headaches from a "head injury" can last up to two or three weeks according to my doctor. So..please be praying because I go back to work tomorrow (along with my ibuprofen and Tylenol). Lesson learned: never hit your head on the car door.