Another Thought on Blessed...

Just another thought before I turn in for the night: It is a witness to my family when they see my friends helping me out in small ways during this time. On the flip side, it is also a witness when they see me reaching out and doing things for others...such as taking the 2 year old for an afternoon. But it is an even more powerful combination when they see both sides of the friendship taking turns helping each other out. It seems like such a natural thing to me, but it is not such a natural thing if you are used to seeing examples that always express a "me, me, me" (or very worldly) attitude.

Blessed

The other night I was journaling and I felt the Lord telling me that I needed to focus on the blessings that have occurred since I hurt my foot, and not focus on the things that "should've happened." After I made my list it was pretty impressive, and it was neat to see how varied it was. It wasn't just one or two people who have been helping me, but many different people. For the most part it has been my closest friends and family, but when I think about it, it's pretty awesome because our relationships and friendships are supposed to be 2 way streets, i.e. have a give and take aspect. What an encouragement it has been to see the fruit of my efforts in maintaining my close friendships. Tonight the 2 year old, 4 year old, and their mom dropped by for an unexpected short visit and to drop me some dinner. It was just an awesome blessing to sit and chat for a few minutes while the kids played. And an example to me of how the body of Christ is supposed to function--that we are supposed to help take care of one another and not let them flounder helplessly. At a time when I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be leaving my current fellowship or staying, blessings like these have been not only an encouragement, but also a reminder that the church body does exist and function outside of the four walls of the church.

Sunday Morning

It's a gray and dreary rainy morning, perfect for just sitting and reading, or just sitting, as the case may be. Skipped church this morning to sleep and rest, as well as spend some time just reading the Word. I've just finished 2 Samuel, and I'm working on Ephesians and Proverbs.

Fun proverb of the day:
"Like a gold ring in a pig's snout is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion." Proverbs 11:22

It's amazing how much can be said in one sentence! Enjoy!

New Camera!

So I received a digital camera for my birthday and was playing with it the other day. On the left you can see my lovely blue cast, which is complemented quite nicely with the Merrell sneaker on the right. Since my Merrells are practically brand new, it is my hope that the Vibram soles will prove their weight in gold and not get worn out from the crutches





Wednesday I was the height of fashion as I was able to coordinate my shirt with my cast. It was rather humorous as I didn't realize how well they matched until one of my esteemed colleagues pointed it out.


Yesterday I went back to the doctor for the two week check up. I made the mistake of going by myself and was sorely lacking in need of a second brain as I was feeling quite poorly and was not quite with it. I told the doctor that I was still having pain and that I had lost my balance Wednesday and as a result came down pretty hard on the bad leg. At first he said if there was still pain then we needed to leave the cast on. But when he found out that the pain was in a different spot, he decided to take off the cast. Then he gave me an aircast and said I needed to go in to therapy. But he never mentioned the new pain that I was experiencing, and I didn't think to ask again. So I got home and was in the most incredibly pain which last all of yesterday.

A friend took me back to the doctor, but by the time my doctor returned my phone call I had to go to the afterhours clinic. Well, it was probably not the most constructive use of our time, as she proceeded to tell me that what I was experiencing was the result of my sprained ankle. According to the orthopedic I hurt my peroneal tendon and sprained my midfoot. He never mentioned the ankle to me. So it sounded like she was trying to tell me that I sprained my ankle while I was in a cast, which is the strangest story I've heard.

But then as I was looking over my physical therapy prescription this morning, it says my diagnosis is left ankle and mid foot sprain, along with peroneal tendinitis. Go figure! Sometimes I wish I could get a straight story. So if that truly is the case and I did sprain my ankle when I fell and got the other two injuries, then I probably aggravated the ankle sprain Wednesday when I lost my balance getting out of the tub. This is my guess because my ankle is now more swollen than it ever was and is rather painful. My doctor said that if I still needed crutches by the middle of next week that we would have to recast it. My hope is that I will be able to get in to see the physical therapist (a person who has seen me before) soon and get a story that makes sense. I sprained my ankle pretty bad in 2004, so I really don't want to be messing around and not having it heal correctly. Well, that's the foot update for now. I'm signing off!

Pain and Frustration

I almost made it through 3 full days of work. It sounds strange, but I would've never guessed how much working with an injured leg would take out of me. I left an hour and a half early because I just couldn't do more teaching. Thankfully I moved a lesson earlier this morning to accommodate and ended up only missing one group. Ever since last night I've been in a lot of pain. Probably overdoing it, even though I've been keeping my leg up every possible moment while teaching. I think the problem is that because of orchestra rehearsals both Tuesday and today, I went from 6-9:30 with my foot down. Anyways, pain and frustration is the name of my game right now.

But it has been a good week of doing lessons and it has been a blessing seeing all of my kids. I'm incorporating the "building bricks" from Orff into orchestra and the kids are thrilled about it. Yeah for exciting teaching moments.

Loneliness

"When the morning falls on the farthest hill, I will sing His name, I will praise Him still. When dark trials come and my heart is filled, with the weight of doubt, I will praise Him still."
-Fernando Ortega

"And when I am alone, oh and when I am alone, when I am alone, give me Jesus."
-Give Me Jesus

I am finding that it truly is a sacrifice of praise to stop and acknowledge that He is still on the throne in the midst of my struggles, and that good will come out of this trial. If I don't stop and put it into perspective, than I find myself sinking into a dark pit of despair. There is no doubt about it, I am lonely. A deep set loneliness that I have not dealt with in a long time, because I am always going somewhere and doing something with someone. But strangely enough there is a peace in it--the Lord's grace I'm sure, because there is no way I can escape or run away from this loneliness--I am physically limited.

But in the midst of it this evening, I was reminded that while He was here on this earth, Jesus experienced loneliness; a loneliness so profound that we probably can not comprehend it. The King of the universe, dwelling on earth in a mortal body, surrounded by humans who "didn't get it," and separated from His Father.

Don't get me wrong, today was a good day. It was wonderful seeing everyone at church; holding the two year old and having him be thrilled to see me...but it was also a reminder of how limited I am right now in what I can do. When you are used to being a person who's constantly moving and usually serving...it is hard to just sit still and let someone else do the work. And not being able to pick up kids and carry them around is just plain strange!

But this too shall pass. Praise the Lord for that. Goodnight.

The Geek Strikes Again

So I'm going to a bass recorder workshop tomorrow. Not just a recorder workshop, but a bass recorder workshop. I'm thoroughly looking forward to it (with the exception of having to bring my left leg along), and the person running it is said to be a great teacher, so I have high hopes.

I finally got my Orff pictures organized, so perhaps I'll post a few Orff posts. I'm the one on the right--it looks like I'm eating my recorder, or that I've got it shoved up my face. Anyways....

A Blessing

Since I already posted on my other blog, I thought I would write over here. After three half days of work this week, I woke up today absolutely worn out. Yesterday as I was leaving school, I wasn't sure how I was going to make it home because I felt so bad. I'm supposed to go back to full days next week, but to be honest, I'm not sure how that will work out. I need to give it a try Tuesday and we'll see after that.

So I stayed home today and it was just a nice blessing to rest. I was able to get a few things organized and work on my grad work. A friend came over for dinner and it was nice to interact with a live human being! While I haven't been sitting around all day every day this week, I have been sitting around all afternoon every day this week and it is quite a change from my normal schedule. Anyways...my bed is calling. Goodnight!

Sometimes...

I wonder if the Lord gives us seasons of loneliness so that we can struggle through some of the issues that He is working on in us.

Gotta Love Dove

So I was eating the last of a bag of Dove chocolate (no, I did not eat the whole thing in one sitting--It was a bag I had bought to keep in my desk at school, but found its way home after I hurt my foot.) Anyways, I was unwrapping one of the delectable morsels and was surprised to read: "You know what? You look good in red." Now usually the "Promises" found on the Dove wrappers leave much to be desired, but this one hit the nail on the head. I couldn't help but smile as I was sitting here wearing red sweatpants and a red shirt. The even funnier part is that I hardly ever wear red, much less bum around in pants and shirt that are both red!

Happy Birthday to Me!

Birthdays are such an interesting thing. I find that each year it is a completely different experience. It is also interesting how there are people who greatly publicize that it is their birthday and then there are those who don't. Last year my birthday was on a Saturday and the next day at church there was a present left for me, loudly proclaiming that it was my birthday. Sure enough, practically the whole church knew and I had many well wishes.

This year I woke up, miserable as all get out...wasn't even going to church because I have some "upper respiratory infection " as the doctor put it, I had to figure out how to get cleaned up with a cast on, Grandma's still in the hospital...yada, yada. As I sat down to meet with the Lord, and hopefully be able to cast the miserableness aside, I was reminded of a chapter I had read in Elisabeth Elliot's On Asking God Why all about "Happy Birthdays." After that I read Psalm 139. I've always considered that the "birthday psalm," and it is one of my favorites.

And it was a blessing. Perhaps it was more of a blessing than going to church would've been. I suppose I'll never know, but for whatever reason, guess the Lord wanted me in the midst of all these circumstances at this time. It was a sweet fellowship that I haven't experienced in quite a while--and a peace with just being still and hearing God speak, reminding me that He is still with me. Blessed silence! No tv on, no noise, it was wonderful....and bittersweet. As I contemplate why the people who should say happy birthday don't and the people who have no reason to know it's your birthday feel bad if they do find out...I realize that in the end it really doesn't matter, as long as you know where you stand with the Lord.

But it does give you a new appreciation and thankfulness for the things that do happen: a family party that truly was fun in the midst of not great circumstances, someone randomly showing up on my door step to say happy birthday, an unexpected birthday card, and a couple of phone calls. So, when it is all said and done, I am grateful that the Lord did step in and remove the loneliness (and self pitying thoughts that generally accompany it), and that the day was a blessing.

Woohoo!

I tried on some of my work clothes and it turns out that practically all of my dress pants and khakis have wide enough legs that my cast will go through them. That is a huge praise (and load off of my mind.)

2 Samuel 21

I am almost done reading the book of 2 Samuel. The first verse of chapter 21 stuck out today,
"During the reign of David, there was a famine for three successive years; so David sought the face of the Lord."

It seems like the Bible doesn't always speak of the inner struggle that takes place as one goes about walking the path that the Lord calls him or her to. Sometimes I wish we could read of the mental battles and struggles that the heroes of the Bible must have experienced. Like the verse above--did David seek the Lord right away, or did he struggle in the process. Was he at a point in his walk with the Lord where he automatically sought the Lord first without thinking otherwise, or was there first an inner struggle which finally gave way to him seeking the Lord. The semicolon seems to have many unanswered questions in it. Did David only seek the Lord once, after the three years, or at many times during that period?

The Bible says that David was a man after the Lord's own heart, but we know that he wasn't perfect (as none of us are) by his failures which are written about along side of his successes. I think it would be fascinating to read about David's inner battle as he walked through various parts of his life. We get a glimpse in the Psalms, but I think it would be neat to read David's personal commentary on the events that took place in his life.

The Sprained Ankle That Never Was

A week after I fell and hurt my ankle, after a week of various doctors appointments coupled with incredibly intense pain, I finally got around to seeing an orthopedic who correctly diagnosed what was going on. The other doctors kept saying it was a sprained ankle, but I had my doubts because of the type of pain i was having, and the fact that it was going up my leg. So it turns out I damaged a tendon and sprained the top of my foot! All because of an accidental slippage as I stepped into the apartment building!

The results: Wednesday the doctor sent me home with a boot that was supposed to immobilize my foot but allow me to walk. I got home and realized it was too big and my foot was slipping. The next day I went into school with it and it was absolutely horrible...more pain than before. Left school early to go back to the doctor who realized the mistake and gave me a smaller boot. It was definitely an improvement, but it still was painful to walk. So...the last option was to cast it and today I had it done. The receptionist and I are now on a first name basis and I am finally feeling relief from the pain. I am so glad I decided to get the cast. Twas a bit strange because the doctor and an assistant actually tried to talk me out of it. But anyways, for the next couple of weeks I will be stylin with my blue cast and fashionable cast boot. Since blue is my favorite color and most of my wardrobe is built around that bit of info., I will probably be more fashionable now than I have been in months.

The next challenge will be figuring out what clothes I can and can't wear to work over the next couple of weeks...must fit over the cast, but be modest enough so that I can keep my leg up while teaching, and..oh yeah, I have to be able to play cello in it. But that will be tomorrow's adventure (along with getting back to my grad work). God bless and have a good night!

Dismal Day

There are some days you wish you could just start over. Today was one of them. Teaching went pretty well considering all things. I absolutely love the fact that my kids are so willing and ready to help. One kid came in and set up all the stands perfectly without needing help from me--a job I usually do, so that was a blessing. I only went in for a half day today because after how horribly I felt Friday after a half day of sitting, I wasn't sure what to expect. By the time I was done and sitting at my desk I was starting to feel a bit woozy, and by the time I got home I just felt plain awful. My leg is getting better, but my body seems to not be able to deal with it.

So the plan was to come home, put the foot up and work on my grad work. Instead I came home, slept, got horribly distracted and did not accomplish anything. When I tried to download a trial version of SPSS so that I could work on my data input, even that didn't work.

There are some days that I don't even have the desire and motivation to do what the Lord would have me to do in a given situation, but instead do the opposite and get into a mess. Thankfully His mercies are new every morning.

Makes You Think

Here is a quote from the Elisabeth Elliot book I am reading that has kept me thinking:

"This, then, is of faith, that everything, the very least, or what seems to us great, every change of the seasons, everything which touches us in mind, body, or estate, whether brought about through this outward senseless nature, or by the will of man, good or bad, is overruled to each of use by the all-holy and all-loving will of God. Whatever befalls us, however it befalls us, we must receive as the will of God. If it befalls us through man's negligence or ill-will or anger, still it is, in even the least circumstance, to us the will of God. For if the least thing could happen to us without God's permission, it would be something out of God's control. God's providence of His love would not be what they are. Almighty God Himself would not be the same God; not the God whom we believe, adore, and love."

Elisabeth Elliot quoting Mary Wilder Tileston, 1884

When it Rains, it Pours

As I write from my bed, this is day 3 I've been on my back and off of my foot. I spent Wednesday, 1/2 of Thursday and 1/2 of Friday, as well as today sprawled out on my bed. Contrary to my normal self, I've been trying to be diligent in keeping it up, icing, ibuprofen-ing myself and so forth. Yesterday I attempted to go into work for a meeting in the morning. I started off well--kept up my foot during the meeting, but soon had to take my sneaker off because it hurt so bad. Guess that was clue #1. We went out to lunch and I literally went downhill from there--pain to the point where I couldn't move my foot and having trouble speaking coherently. By the time I got home, my whole body was in pain from using the crutches. So back into bed I went and have been ever since.

It's amazing how little you can do when you are supposed to be off of your foot and you live practically alone. Let's see: I keep alternating between crutches and no crutches. If I use the crutches, I can't carry anything. If I don't use them, my foot hurts worse. Getting food is a challenge and don't even mention standing in the kitchen to do the dishes afterward. Needless to say there is a pile gathering dust as I write. Showering--forget it. I was going to attempt it today, but the foot just hurt too bad. While none of these things are life threatening, it is an interesting perspective for someone to experience who normally is very self sufficient.

Mom spent the yesterday in the emergency room with my grandmother and she is now up in a regular room. She has pneumonia. I'd greatly appreciate prayer for her and my parents. I'm especially praying that this would not trigger another round of hospital & nursing home stays.

Lastly, I found out this morning about the unexpected death of a friend's brother (and another friend's cousin). And at that point you just loose your words and start grieving for the family. When you realize that the person who died is the same age as your brother, you start praying all the harder as the reality that we are here only as long as the Lord would have us to be sinks in. So I would also ask that you be in prayer for that family--that the Lord would minister to each person and bring healing where it is needed.

Here We Go Again

So yesterday as I was getting home from work I slipped. On the way down I sprained the same ankle I sprained five years ago...The good news is that at least this time I won't be on crutches for a concert, and it is the beginning of the school year. The disappointing news is that this was my first week of orchestra and seeing the beginners, and now I am out for the rest of the week. It is not as bad as the last time I sprained it, but still quite painful. Projected recovery time: 2 weeks.