The Lord Throws a Curveball

As I was praying this morning, the Lord directed me towards Psalm 37:3-7--a passage that He has spoken to me through many years ago in college.

"Trust in the Lord and do good;"
I have a hard time getting past the trust in the Lord part, especially trusting that the Lord has an awesome plan for my life and trusting that He has the deepest desires of my hand firm in the palm of His hand--that He's not out to just dangle something in front of my eyes and then snatch it away, as if He is playing a game with me.

"dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture."
I am throughly blessed in this area as I have been dwelling where He has planted me. Can't forget the summer right after I graduated college and was volunteering at Basilea, and how He spoke to me that I was supposed to go back to Rochester and teach there. And seeing what has happened in the five years since He told me that has been awesome. Granted it has held its share of struggles, but I still wouldn't change it (or at least much of it).

"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart."
And this is where I stumble. Does He really want to give me the desires of my heart? Not the fleeting, surfacy ones of my own creation, but the deep seated desires that I believe are from Him--the ones I've tried to pray away over the past seven years and has not happened. The scary part is that now, as that desire grows stronger, what will happen? It may seem a silly question to ask, unless you are the person who has dared to hope that someday this desire will come true, but has also contemplated the possibilities of it not coming to pass. And to finally see a faint glimmer of it possibly happening leaves me wondering what the Lord is doing with me. Lord have mercy!