Sunday..again

It's another Sunday night..only it's been forever since I last wrote. I just got home from church (9:30 pm) and should be in bed, but instead I am wound up, so I thought I would write. I must say though, that I'm not looking forward to my alarm going off at 5:30 tomorrow morning. It has been almost a year since I left my old church and I finally feel like I am beginning to get to know people. It is a good thing, because it's a little lonely when your church doesn't feel like it's your family. I find it fascinating that it is only when I am starting to get more involved in the church that I start to get to know people more. Perhaps that is a simple statement, but it is interesting none the less. Anyways, I'm conducting the chime choir at church and it is a real blessing. It is a lot of fun, and there is something special when the Lord allows you to serve in an area related to your everyday job. While it is a ministry in one sense of the word when I am teaching each day out in the world, but it is sweeter when you can use your skills among believers. Definitely a different ministry, but a very good reminder that we are not supposed to compartmentalize our lives. Jesus is present with us just as much in the workplace as He is with us in the church setting.

So anyways, it truly is a blessing as I become more involved at church to get to know people. I have no idea why the Lord has moved me and brought me to this particular church, but it is good to know that it has been for a reason and that there is a ministry in which I can be involved. So, one step at a time we travel the road that He has laid before us. I tend to think it is going to take me one direction, but He proves me wrong as I encounter various bends in the road unknown to me beforehand. Lord help us to have the grace to follow your lead as You travel with us on the journey.

Sunday

I think it's incredible how the Lord will bring us to a spot where we have to trust Him for His grace to make it through something and then seeing how He brings us through. This past week has been a whole week like that. For example..I sang at the afternoon service at church today, and by the looks of things, many things should've gone wrong--I'm congested and drinking water like its going out of style, my left thumb has been going numb on me when I play guitar, my guitar strings really should be changed, I was rather nervous...and so on. But His grace was sufficient and people were blessed by it, and that I find just amazing. So praise Him! In our weakness He is strong.

Friday Night

You know it's time to go to bed when, on a Friday night at 8:30 pm you discover that you put the ice cream away in the refrigerator, and later realize that you don't even recall putting the ice cream away.

Other scenarios from this past week that indicate the need for sleep include trying to use conditioner to wash my face and trying to make coffee without the filter in the coffee maker. Needless to say, that day I visited Starbucks for my morning coffee.

On that note, while it is still 8:30, I am going to try and make it safely into my bed for a (hopefully) good night's sleep.

A Rainy, Restful Day

So I had to cancel both of my things that I was supposed to do today because I seem to be coming down with a head cold. Not so fun, but at least its a Saturday. Well, that's the quick update, now I'm off to take a nap.

Quick Update...

Mondays....I think they are going to kill me this year. Trying to act energized at 8:00 in the morning in order to engage 25 5th graders is a challenge. The kids look so bored that the forty minute rehearsals are becoming slightly torturous. After that I launch into seven beginner lessons. Why did I put the beginners on a Monday? I have no idea what I was thinking. Since the beginners are all in the same spot, I teach the same thing seven times in a row. I hate to admit it, but it drives me batty. I feel like I am working on an assembly line, just processing kids through. But I guess I can at least say that I am honing my acting skills--i.e. acting excited to be teaching the kids. By lunch today I was wondering if perhaps I should change careers, or at least start teaching older kids. Thankfully Monday is the only day I have beginners all day.

My plan was to come home and practice violin, but as I was looking at the case, I got rather sick as I contemplated the thought of having to look at another violin. Perhaps this is why I come home and spend my time playing recorder or gamba......too bad I can't retire at an early age.

I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date!

with my pillow that is. So it's way too late for me to be posting, but I guess that's what I get for having a parent night tonight--a 12 hour work day. Anyways, sometimes belting out songs in a house by yourself with a guitar is a very relaxing thing. No need to worry about who's listening, or when your fingers (which lost their calluses long ago) land on the wrong string. It's all good. Except for that occasional guitar twang that throws you off. But thankfully if your heart is right as you're worshiping the Lord, it doesn't matter. I'm looking forward to the day when we're worshiping around the throne. My personal hope is that we will be singing in four part harmony, not limited by time or the end of a verse, but that it'll be one gloriously long span of worship where people are not conscious of "how good they are," but that they will be free in their singing, improving as the Spirit leads (all decently and in order of course). But anyways, I realize that what I want has absolutely nothing to do with anything, and that what we will encounter when we get there will be much better than I could've ever imagined. Of course, I guess I should confess before I sign off that I am officially joining Sylvia's campaign to "Sing Hymns Loudly." Now I really need to sign off...goodnight....zzzzzzzz

The Five Year Old

So tonight I took the five year old and the three year old over to visit Grandma. It was a real nice visit--its amazing how small kids can minister to older adults, in a way that I never could. When we got there Grandma was in a pretty foul mood, but by the time I left she seemed to be doing better. On the way back to the kids house, the five year old asked me if I had any kids. I told her that I didn't because I wasn't married. She then proceeded to think out loud, pondering the fact that if I got married my husband wouldn't know her and her family. So she then concluded that I should see if any of their neighbors were guys. She suggested that we go door to door telling people about Jesus and seeing if there were any men available to be married. Now, I've had many family members tell me that I should be out shopping for a man, but this is the first time I've had a five year old bring up the subject!

As Time Flies

Well, when I first started writing, it was about the one year old, then the one year old became the two year old and now he is the three year old. Perhaps its just a sign that I'm getting older, but its just amazing me how fast time is flying. When I first met the one year old he was 6 months old! I am so glad the Lord has blessed me with good friends with small children. It is just absolutely wild watching the kids grow and develop--not only that, but I think the Lord uses kids to speak to us in a number of different ways.

Tonight as I was helping the 3 year old using the "rather large potty," he says something to the effect of "don't let me fall in" with a rather frightened look. I respond, "I won't because I'm going to hold you." He replies, "I won't fall in because you're holding me." A rather simple conversation, but as I was crouched down, holding him up, it was neat watching his face change from fear to a simple trusting that I was going to keep him from falling. And yes, there in the bathroom, while the Lord has a captive audience He's reminding me of that childlike faith in which we are supposed to trust Him to keep us. It is nice to know that in the midst of living in such a complicated world where I have many responsibilities, I can seek refuge in His simple message of hope and salvation, leaving my worries and cares to Him.

(PS-As I am writing this, I am sitting on the wonderful couch located in the now cleared living room. At last I can live in more of the house and not be restricted to my bedroom and the dining room table!)

Progress: One Step at a Time

Sometimes I wonder if we undervalue the baby steps we take in our lives. Unpacking, for example. Obviously I can't unpack a house in one day or most likely even a week or two. So why do I fret when it seems to take me forever to get something done? When I moved in we still hadn't painted one of the two bedrooms, and as a result, everything that was going in the unpainted room was packed into the living room. I've been living here for a month now, but just tonight have I managed to clear the living room to the point where I can sit on the couch. Progress has been made! Sometimes it feels like I should shout from the roof tops when I actually complete a task that I haven't been able to get to in a long time.

Days like today remind me that our walks with the Lord are similar...one step at a time. We don't grow up over night, so why should I expect the Lord to take away all of my imperfections in the blink of an eye? Granted, we know that the Lord could do it, but instead He chooses to purify us in the fires of the ordinary, everyday circumstances we experience. I find this to be fascinating--that the trials I go through were specifically designed to purify me and mold me into His likeness. I guess that perhaps this is how Paul could rejoice in his sufferings. He tells us to rejoice in our trials. Lord, help me to have that attitude!!

Work: It does a body good.

It's officially been well over a month since my last post, although I must confess that it feels like a year. In that time I've moved from my apartment into a house and started teaching in two schools (my regular school and a local Christian school who hired me at the end of March). Change seems to be the buzz word in my life lately. Not a bad thing, just new and different--getting used to new routines. Moving, starting a new job and attending a new church is more than I bargained for, but it has been good. The Lord definitely knows my needs better than I do. Life is never boring around here, that's for sure!

So I got home from work feeling rather discouraged. Things at one school are chaotic and depressing in a variety of ways and I'm rather bummed about only having four private students at this point. I was hoping for 7-10. One of the downsides about living alone is that sitting and stewing over a matter is becoming a regular pastime. Thankfully my mom was coming over to do some yard work, so it forced me to get outside and cleaned up all the branches from the weekend's storm. It's really a duh! thing, but I am forever amazed at how doing simple manual labor type tasks can bring a body out of a funk. I am very thankful for that.

Plants on Steroids

I've been meaning to post this picture for awhile, but in the midst of packing and getting ready to move, I've neglected to do it. This is my Gerber daisy, my lovely plant that has actually lasted for almost four years. When I first got it, it bloomed once then decided it was done for a few years. Since I started feeding it the fertilizer that my Mom gave me, it's done some pretty amazing growing. Granted the plant is looking slightly wilted in this photo, but I wanted to capture it while it was blooming away.

So I was sitting with Grandma tonight and was treated to a play by play commentary of what was going on in the horror film she was watching. Much noted was the fact that the main character kept walking very slowly around the house while scary music was playing.

Grandma: "If I was her I'd turn and run out of that house. No, wait--I'd wheel out of there in my wheelchair."

Earlier in the film: "Well, I could've done that role--all she does is walk around. On second thought, I can't do that too well either."

Muffin

A couple of weeks ago I spent the day with my aunt (Grandma's sister) and took her to visit her cousin. When we got home and were making dinner, my aunt was looking through a dresser for something. Well, she pulled out one of the drawers, pointed to a tin can and said nonchalantly, "Oh, there's Muffin."

I tried not to fall over as I realized what she had said. You see, Muffin was her dog and now resides in a small tin can in the drawer. Could've knocked me over--I never have heard of someone cremating an animal.

Here's a convicting statement:

Christ's call is to save the lost, not the stiff-necked; He came not to call scoffers but sinners to repentance; not to build and furnish comfortable chapels, churches, and cathedrals at home in which to rock Christian professors to sleep by means of clever essays, stereotyped prayers, and artistic musical performances, but to capture men from the devil's clutches and the very jaws of Hell. This can be accomplished only by a red-hot, unconventional, unfettered devotion, in the power of the Holy Spirit, to the Lord Jesus Christ.

--C.T. Studd (English missionary to China, India, and Africa. 1860-1931)

Kids

This weekend I babysat the 5 year old and the (almost) 3 year old while the parents went on an overnight getaway. I'd have to say that all three of us thoroughly enjoyed it. It amazes me how easy it is to keep little children occupied and interested in something. The three year was quite content sliding down the slide at the playground many times in a row, each time proclaiming, "again!" or "catch me Gina!"

The 5 year old is working on reading. We were coloring at the kitchen table and she was lamenting that she couldn't read the words printed on an advertisement, so I started writing her sentences that should could figure out. It was a blast--I absolutely loved working with her on reading. I would never want to have to teach a whole classroom full of kids how to read, but one on one I'd take probably most any day.

It amazes me how the Lord can use kids to humble me. We were going to the store and the 5 year old was taking Jesus pictures to hand out to people. At one point she asked me if my Mom knew Jesus. I said I didn't know. She said, "well, why don't you ask her?"

So...yeah. Nothing like the straightforward talk from a 5 year old who has a heart to share Jesus. No beating around the bush or not saying something out of fear of offending someone. Perhaps we could all learn a lesson from that.

Yikes!

July is sure flying by! It is a bit scary how fast the summer is going. In another month I hope to be moved/moving into my Grandmother's house, but there is still much to do before then. Right now we are prepping the walls to paint one of the two bedrooms I will be taking over. In a couple of weeks the hardwood floors downstairs will be finished and then we can really start moving things along!

Huh?

As I was sorting through my Bible study and Christian living books, I came across this passage in an introduction to the Layman's Bible Book Commentary, Volume 3, "It is based on the conviction that the Bible speaks to every generation of believers but needs occasional reinterpretation in the light of changing language and modern experience." Personally, I find that a very scary sentence. So...is it telling me that I need someone else to reinterpret the Bible for me? Yikes! What happened to the Holy Spirit speaking directly to each person as he or she reads the passage?

I think we need to be very cautious of thinking that the Bible needs rewording in order to speak to the present generations. If God is who He says is, isn't it presumptuous of us to assume that He is incapable of speaking to the current generations through His Word?

On a slightly different note, I do wonder what the author is referring to when he speaks of "modern experience."

Ice Cream

So I've been spending most of the week at my parent's house, going through more Grandma papers. Ice cream is a staple of my mom's freezer. Grandma wanted some, so of course I offered to get it (and get myself some at the same time).

Me: How much do you want?
Grandma: Enough.
Me: Enough? How much is enough?
Grandma: Well, how much are you having?
Me: A bowlful.
Grandma: Ok, I'll take that.

Ugh

Some things are just wrong. This is one of them.

As Time Goes By

Spent most of the afternoon helping my grandmother sort through a large pile of calendars. She had saved her calendar for every year from 1977-last year. That's a lot of family history. When I reflect on all that was written on the calendars, it is fascinating to see the changes over the years and the different content. In 1977, my parents got married, my aunt was still in high school...the avon lady seemed to visit quite often. Unfortunately, my momentous birth didn't make an appearance on the 1979 calendar, but as the 80s rolled along and more grandchildren were added to the family, the calendars began to have things such as school vacations, babysitting gigs--various activities related to us grandkids. The funny thing about the calendars from the 80s is that every once in a while you'll come across kid handwriting surrounding that child's birthday, or a few funny things written here and there. The calendars from the 90s explode with many grandchildren related activities--concerts, sports events, dancing things--you name it and it was on the calendar. I noticed that the calendars even marked when I was going or coming home from college. And it wasn't just me, but for the others as well.
So...a person can definitely see where my grandparent's priorities were.

It was interesting to see things marked on the older calendars--events that I remember happening, but never had a date to attach them to as I was so young when they happened. It was definitely a bittersweet occasion. It was fun going through them with Grandma because we'd stop and chuckle over something, or try and figure out what certain mystery numbers were. It certainly is amazing how much a person's calendar can tell you about that person.

I received this video in an e-mail from For Zion's Sake and thought I would share. It is a view of the Holocaust that we usually don't see or hear about: how the Lord worked through it.

An Uncluttering Day

Not too much to share, except this has been the first time in over a month that I've been able to attack some odds-n-ends and pack a few boxes for the great move. All in all a productive day, which is always a blessing.

In teaching news, the last day is next Friday, at which time I may just throw myself a party. Professionally this has been a great year; personally, it has been a school year that I never thought would end. I was ready to retire back in October! Lydee wrote about retirements in her building as being the "end of an era." We have four key people either leaving or retiring this year, people I've taught with for the past six years, and unfortunately, they are all a part of the small handful of sane people in the building. Definitely the "end of an era" on my end as well.

So many changes have taken place in my life since the school year has started that I'm not dreading the change as I would've if the rest of my life wasn't turned upside down in some ways. But I can't complain, because the Lord warned me and gave me the desire for change--I just wasn't prepared for how many changes have or will be taking place. :-)

Led by the Spirit

A college friend's blog sparked something that I've been pondering for awhile: what to do about next year. Right now I'm teaching three days a week at the school where I've been for the past six years. Because I wasn't teaching at church anymore, earlier in the year I put in to "transfer" to a full time position within the district. At this point I haven't been offered a full time position, but so many music teachers are moving around that it is creating a chain reaction and the chances are good that I could be offered something. Meanwhile I have gotten a new part time job teaching strings at a Christian school in the area. They want me for two afternoons a week next year.

What to do? Part of me would like to wait out and see what I get offered in my current district. It would seem crazy from a worldly point of view not to take a full time job if it is offered. Even the other teachers at the Christian school have made it clear they think a person should take a full time job when it is offered. But I'm not fully convinced that that's what the Lord would have me to do in this case. You see, ever since Fredonia days I've had a vision for a Christian music program that has become stronger the longer I've been teaching. I built up a program at church, but it was made clear that it wasn't the Lord's plan for me to be there longer.

I long to help students develop their ability to worship through music. The Lord has given each person the amazing ability to worship Him through music. I firmly believe that everyone has the capability to learn how to sing in tune and create music. I truly believe that there is a call for people to learn how to worship in a congregational setting without being inhibited or worried about what others think.

The new Christian school where I'm at is far from perfect in many ways. In some ways it is far behind the public schools. But the Lord has birthed in me a heart to continue at the Christian school. I've begun to develop relationships and I'm interested to seeing what the principal's vision for the music program is. In the Bible, people who were led by the Spirit were often led to do things that make no sense to the observer. Knowing this, and after having done some "crazy things" myself, I still find it difficult to relinquish the idea of possibly going full time in my district. But I also see where a part time position in the Christian school could possibly lead to a full time position someday down the road.

So, here I am at the crossroads, just praying that the Lord would keep guiding me, and that I would have the grace and discernment to follow His will.

Quote from Berean Call

"Trials are medicines which our gracious and wise Physician prescribes because we need them; and he proportions the frequency and weight of them to what the case requires. Let us trust his skill and thank him for his prescription."

--Sir Isaac Newton (1642-1727), English physicist, mathematician, astronomer, natural philosopher, alchemist and theologian

Maine: The Return (Part 2)

We stopped in a Wal-Mart in Maine and to our surprise we were greeted by a rack sporting not one, but three new Mt. Dew flavors. Excitement ran high as I was stocked for the ride home.






Notice the wonderful color coordination between my sister's arm and her Mt. Dew can.















I noticed on the back of one of the labels that it said there would be another new flavor released this summer as well. So...4 new Mt. Dew flavors in one summer. I'm not sure if I can handle the excitement. The only problem is that they don't have the new flavors in a diet variety. So...sugar carbs galore.

The Honey Dew coffee is Dan's. It is a brand we found in Massachusetts on our way back. What you can't see in this picture is how early in the morning it was. The Mt. Dew got opened at 8:30, due to my lack of coffee. But unfortunately it didn't really help my extreme fatigue that I was starting to feel that morning. I do believe that was the result of something else: a tick.

But you'll have to wait in suspense for that story because I'm too tired to add it right now. Have a goodnight!

Maine: The Return

So after reading my last post you might be thinking that I could use a break from reality. Thankfully that opportunity was provided in the form of my brother needing a ride to Maine for the summer. Funds were secured and my sister, brother-in-law, and myself spent the weekend taking my brother and his "stuff" up to Maine. Provided we didn't spend a whole week camping this year, "stuff" is a slight understatement of everything that traveled to Maine in the Subaru (see last year's picture below).

Thankfully all appropriate people and items were disposed of accordingly and the return trip was made in the lap of luxury with an almost empty backseat.

Sanity was maintained throughout the trip by a variety of beverages and smart remarks. Last year's beverage of choice was diet Mt. Dew:


While Mt. Dew still proved to be the overall beverage of choice, the trip started with a Dunkin Donuts stop:



Note this year's trip upgrade included a handy GPS (not mine) which was helpful in finding more Dunkin Donuts to stop at. (We were able to hold off until Massachusetts to make our second stop.)

Upgrades for future Maine trips were discussed at length throughout the drive up. Suggestions included a GPS that includes downloadable wise cracks, gives whether forecasts, allows one to check his e-mail and watch movies, a camouflage RV and a jumbo jet. Thankfully my brother is not planning on going back to Maine for a few years in order to give us time to make the appropriate upgrades.







I should make a note hear that at the second caffeination stop of the trip I did not, I repeat, did not purchase a caffeinated beverage. That is my Gatorade in the photo at the right.

Well, I realize that you are waiting in suspense for the rest of the details of our fabulous trip, but as the hour is getting late for the old lady school marm that I am, I must wait till tomorrow to share with you the beverage excitement that awaited us in Maine.

I also realize that I did not do our first Maine trip justice as far as blogging goes, so I will have to do better this time. So...adieu for now...and more later.

The 11:00 News: Concert Bloopers & Ramblings

Tonight was the first of two spring concerts--and what a night it was! "They" (whoever "they" are) say that there is a first time for everything. The Bible has a different take and says that there is nothing "new under the sun." I will let you decide where this story fits in....my orchestra kids were up on stage playing away, I was up on stage conducting away when something strange went wrong and I stabbed myself with my baton. Yes, I stabbed myself with my baton. How does that happen one might ask? To begin with, my baton broke a few years ago and I haven't had the heart, time or energy to look into replacing it. It is my trusty old baton left over from my Fredonia days. I have no idea how I managed to do it, but in the middle of a song (while my brain was so busy multitasking) I waved an arm strangely and managed to stab myself with the broken part of my baton. While I was trying to process what had just happened (and continue conducting as if nothing had happened) I looked down and saw that I was bleeding profusely. My brain then thought about the white blouse that I was wearing (all while I was still beating out a 4 pattern)......

My only saving grace was that the students did not notice. In fact, because of where she was sitting, the only person who could've noticed was my principal. Thankfully I made it through the next orchestra song without managing to get blood on my guitar.

After that fiasco, I had to conduct Chamber Orchestra...where I proceeded to give a wrong cue because I was still bleeding. Thankfully my students had enough sense to not totally follow me. At that point I just wanted to walk off of the stage. And in all honesty, I probably could've. Truth of the matter is, once you give the downbeat, all control is out of your hands. I've been working on training the kids to listen to each other not only because it is a basic musicianship skill, but so that in the event of my stupidity, they will be able to carry on.

What a night! Bleeding & conducting at the same time, all while trying to remember who to cue when and not get my blouse dirty....house lights that wouldn't dim...kids who absolutely crack me up...the list could go on for quite awhile. It always amazes me the different personalities of the students--a drama queen who doesn't like being told she can't go get a drink; a boy I throughly enjoy working with, but who needs a personal escort to tell him how to get off of the stage; a girl with a great personality who feels the need to stand up and ask me in the middle of the concert if its ok that she doesn't do the slurs. Ahh well...as frustrating as it all can be, I have to say that I do enjoy the kids I work with and still love what I do. For my 5th graders, this was the third year I have worked with them and it will be sad to see them go. This class has been a special group for a number of reasons.

Anyways, now that it is midnight and I am finally winding down some, I should go to bed. Just for the record--being stabbed with a baton is very painful, I don't recommend it. It's right up there with injuring your index finger while tuning a violin...but I will save that story for a different edition of "Stupid Things I've Done While Working." :-)

Graduation

Yesterday was my brother's graduation and today was mine. I found it fascinating that at both ceremonies the school's chaplain/reverend/religious person were females who tried to encompass all beliefs into their prayers. One of them prayed to the "God of many names," the other one prayed to "the spirit of wisdom that guides us all." I didn't get the feeling she was referring to the Holy Spirit. One of the prayers got so confusing that I was wasn't sure who she was praying to. While I can't be certain, I have a feeling that not too many years ago, those prayers would've (without question) been address to the God of the Bible, not some entity that fits everyone's wants and needs.

Hmmm....

So today I accompanied the band (at the new school where I am teaching) on a field trip. They were combining with another school and I went along to help and play clarinet. Well, it was a wild experience for many reasons. Let's just say that by the time I got home I had a huge headache. The most fascinating part was that today was the first time in six years that I have really played clarinet. Not only could I remember the fingerings, but I had the endurance to play for awhile. It always amazes me that the Lord gives me the ability to play whatever instrument is required of me at a given time. It ended up that I was sitting inbetween our band teacher and a real clarinetist. Well, by the time we were done playing, the real clarinetist had given me an invitation to play in a clarinet choir!! So...we'll see where the Lord takes me with all of this new stuff.

Hmmm....

So the friendly teaching assistant and I have been trying to find a good time to go walking. We were supposed to go yesterday, but then had to reschedule. So today, we spent some time together. Did we go walking? Nope, we went and got ice cream.

Abraham...

In the twenty-five years that he had to wait for the birth of Isaac, Abraham must've cried out to the Lord for help in waiting. How could he not? The Lord told him on multiple occasions that his offspring would be numerous and inherit the land of the Canaanites, but after ten or so years, he still had no children. His faith wavered, Ishmael was born, and then another twelve years went by before Isaac, the son of promise was born. We know that Abraham wasn't perfect in his faith and that there were times he failed, but the Lord still had a plan for him that included amazing blessings.

It's the period of waiting that I wonder about. What were his conversations with the Lord like? Did he cry out in distress, wondering if the Lord was ever going to bless him? Did the Lord really have a plan for his life? There are times when I cry out like Jabez did, "Oh Lord, bless me!"

Now I know that the Lord has blessed me, but sometimes in the middle of circumstances, when the going gets tough, it is hard to see many blessings. After a couple of months of not feeling well, I find my exhaustion level getting worse and my patience running out. My emotions easily get out of whack and its sometimes hard to keep a proper perspective on things. As I read through Abraham's life, it is encouraging to see that he wasn't perfect; that when the going got tough, many times he did fail and make a mess of things. It is humbling as well, that the Lord still blessed him in spite of his failures. So Lord help me, because I surely need your mercy and grace.

The Adventures Continues..

Over the past few months as I have been struggling through some major life changes, I have to say that the Lord has been gracious in providing me with enough "distractions" to keep me going. One of them has been playing my viola and prepping for my brother-in-law's recital. Almost nine years ago when I started having hand problems, my then viola teacher suggested that I give up the whole music thing and get a new major. Thankfully the Lord had other plans...but it did mean putting my viola on the back burner and taking up violin instead.

But the Lord had told me that I would play again someday--and it looks like that "someday" has indeed come. So He is faithful no matter the circumstances. And it goes to show me that I need to learn to trust Him more--only He can see the beginning from the end, and only He knows what is best for me. Since He has shown Himself faithful in this area in my life--something I've waited nine years for--it seems that it should be easy to trust Him with all the other areas of my life. Unfortunately, I haven't been the best student in that regard. But thankfully He is a patient teacher.

The recital went well Wednesday and I am more excited to practice now than I was before. I am also excited to see what else the Lord has in store. And even if it is just me and my viola working on Kreutzer and Bach, that is perfectly fine. Today I attended the spring recorder workshop and got to try a bass viola da gamba. I've never played one before, but very quickly found myself "signed up" to learn how to play. There is a couple who is going to lend me an instrument and a book--it sounded like they could use a bass player for a group. So who knows....the adventure continues....

More on Practicing

So I've managed to practice for four days in a row--a good thing since Dan's recital is tomorrow. It may not sound like a huge accomplishment, but I have found that when you're life doesn't revolve around performing (like it did in college), it is hard to actually find the time to practice. Between teaching and just living, it's amazing how much time is taken up! :-) The nice thing is that now when I do practice, I am doing it because I want to and not because I have to. And that in itself makes it worth while!

Mozart at 9

Practicing fast Mozart passages at 9:00pm is a good way to get yourself revved up for the next couple of hours! Especially when it is a school night and your alarm goes off at 6:00 am. So....back to the drawing board.

Tozer Quote

Strange as it may seem, the danger today is greater for the fervent Christian than for the lukewarm and the self-satisfied. The seeker after God's best things is eager to hear anyone who offers a way by which he can obtain them. He longs for some new experience, some elevated view of truth, some operation of the Spirit that will raise him above the dead level of religious mediocrity he sees all around him, and for this reason he is ready to give a sympathetic ear to the new and the wonderful in religion, particularly if it is presented by someone with an attractive personality and a reputation for superior godliness.

(Tozer, "How to Try the Spirits", from chapter 28 of Man, The Dwelling Place of God)

Practicing

So I've found that I really like to practice for a solid couple of hours at a time, and that for some reason I always want to practice starting at 8 or 8:30 pm. The only problem is that this "lifestyle" doesn't fit with either the early to bed teacher routine, or the fact that I live with a roommate in an apartment complex. So back to the drawing board....

Ramblings...

The Lord used some people at church today to show me a couple of things about myself. I had the opportunity to observe some young folk who are so completely wrapped up in their own world (musical happenings great and small), that they failed to introduce themselves to the new person sitting across the table from them. All they talked about was music, music, and more music. No mention of service to the Lord or others through their music, but instead it was a very self centered conversation. Easy to do if you are living your whole life focused on one thing: music. I've been there and done that before. And that was what the Lord showed me--if He hadn't stepped in while I was in college and forced me to refocus, I probably would've been very similar to the young'uns who were sitting across from me.

So that leads me to contemplate and ask: Lord, what is that perfect balance that You would have us to have. Our music making can have a number of purposes: serving and ministering to the Lord, edifying the saints, witnessing to others.....but it is not supposed to lead us down the path of becoming self centered, competitive musicians. And my heart's cry is to have congregational times of worship that are truly focused on the Lord and led by the Spirit--where people are not afraid to express themselves musically and emotionally in a way that is still decent and in order--and where the planned structure can be thrown out the window because the Lord is directing and guiding the way. I do pray that someday the Lord will allow me to experience that again.

The second thing the Lord showed me today was that He has fulfilled His word to me from eight years ago that I would play my viola again--that arm problems and tendinitis would not overcome me. And I have seen that happen. The Lord has given me the grace to pick up my viola again, and play it better than I ever did before, after eight years of not playing or practicing it. This is encouraging because it flies in the face of "practice makes perfect." Only the Lord can give us the grace and ability to perfect our skills to whatever level He would have us achieve. After only teaching (and not playing) for six years, it has been wonderful playing again, and I appreciate it more than I did before.

Music has always been my outlet for dealing with and working through problems and frustration. I can express myself better in a song or by playing something than using words. And right now it is as if the Lord has given this gift back to me to use for whatever His purposes are. Granted I have no idea where He is going to take me with this, I do know that it is a blessing to be able to show my students how well they could learn to do something if they stick with it.

Please keep me in prayer (if the Lord leads). Right now I have no home church and I feel like a wondering sheep. I know that the Lord is all I need, but after coming out of a church where I had been so involved, it is hard to start over. Especially when you have no desire to. I am not a church hopper by nature and so this is definitely out of my comfort zone. I desire to live a life that is radically sold out for Jesus, but struggle in the midst of discouraging circumstances. Perhaps it shouldn't matter. It certainly didn't seem to in Paul's case; his troubles spurned him to further Christ likeness. But I am thankful for "friends who stick closer than a brother" that the Lord has brought into my life. He knows my weaknesses and that I do much better with few close companions who are traveling the same path. So that is a definite praise!

Anyways, I will thus end my novel as it is almost 10:30 and passed my bed time!

February Break

So what do two teachers do with a week off from school? Eat our dinners in front of an episode of The Waltons, comment on how late it feels, check the clock to find out that it is only 8:00 and then go and put our pjs on. Nothing like living life in the fast lane!

The Mercy Seat

I've been listening to the Gospels little by little each night before bed. A few nights ago I was listening to John 20 when I heard the part of Mary Magdalene weeping by the tomb:

(John 20:11-12) "But Mary stood without at the sepulcher weeping: and as she wept, she stooped down, and looked into the sepulcher, And seeth two angels in white sitting, the one at the head, and the other at the feet, where the body of Jesus had lain."

As I was listening it occurred to me that that the two angels sitting at the head and foot of where Jesus had lain was a realization of the mercy seat from the ark of the covenant. Exodus 25 tells us of the two angels that were made of gold seated on both ends of the mercy seat:

(Exodus 25:17-22) "And thou shalt make a mercy seat of pure gold: two cubits and a half shall be the length thereof, and a cubit and a half the breadth thereof. (18) And thou shalt make two cherubims of gold, of beaten work shalt thou make them, in the two ends of the mercy seat. (19) And make one cherub on the one end, and the other cherub on the other end: even of the mercy seat shall ye make the cherubims on the two ends thereof. (20) And the cherubims shall stretch forth their wings on high, covering the mercy seat with their wings, and their faces shall look one to another; toward the mercy seat shall the faces of the cherubims be. (21) And thou shalt put the mercy seat above upon the ark; and in the ark thou shalt put the testimony that I shall give thee. (22) And there I will meet with thee, and I will commune with thee from above the mercy seat, from between the two cherubims which are upon the ark of the testimony, of all things which I will give thee in commandment unto the children of Israel."

It is interesting that God told Moses that the mercy seat was the place He would meet with him, and that many years later, we can come and meet with God because of Jesus' death on the cross and the mercy that was bestowed on us--sinners saved by grace.

Cat Attack

So here I am down in Houghton, enjoying a week off from teaching, wearing nice new slippers that my mom gave me. My sister's kitten, however, seems to enjoy the pompoms on the slippers and likes to attack me when I am walking by. While I don't really mind walking around with a kitten hanging off of my leg, it does take away from the restful atmosphere of the vacation.

Belated New Year's Post

I received this in an e-mail from the Berean Call and thought I would post it because it is a good one:

Taken from William MacDonald's devotional book, "One Day at a Time":

New Year's resolutions are good but fragile, that is, easily broken. New Year's prayers are better; they ascend to the throne of God and set answering wheels in motion. As we come to the beginning of another year, we would do well to make the following prayer requests our own:

Lord Jesus, I rededicate myself afresh to You today. I want You to take my life this coming year and use it for Your glory.

I pray that You will keep me from sin, from anything that will bring dishonor to Your Name.

Keep me teachable by the Holy Spirit. I want to move forward for You. Don't let me settle in a rut.

May my motto this year be, "He must increase; I must decrease." The glory must all be Yours. Help me not to touch it.

Teach me to make every decision a matter of prayer. I dread the thought of leaning on my own understanding. "O Lord, I know the way of man is not in himself; it is not in man who walks to direct his own steps" (Jer. 10:23).

May I die to the world and even to the approval or blame of loved ones or friends. Give me a single, pure desire to do the things that please Your heart.

Keep me from gossip and criticism of others. Rather, help me to speak what is edifying and profitable.

Lead me to needy souls. May I become a friend of sinners, as You are. Give me tears of compassion for the perishing.

Lord Jesus, keep me from becoming cold, bitter, or cynical in spite of anything that may happen to me in the Christian life.

Guide me in my stewardship of money. Help me to be a good steward of everything You have entrusted to me.

Help me to remember moment by moment that my body is a temple of the Holy Spirit. May this tremendous truth influence all my behavior.

And, Lord Jesus, I pray that this may be the year of Your return. I long to see Your face and to fall at Your feet in worship. During the coming year, may the blessed hope stay fresh in my heart, disengaging me from anything that would hold me here and keeping me on the tiptoes of expectancy. "Even so, come, Lord Jesus!"

At last an update...

So the January craziness has ended and I am now into the relatively calm of February. The latest and greatest is that I've finally pulled my viola "out of storage" so to speak and am practicing again. The reason: my brother-in-law needed a violist for his April recital at Houghton. It has been about 8 years since I've played my viola and about 6 since I've even really practiced violin, so it has been quite interesting. But I must say the Lord has blessed my efforts and the past 6 years of teaching have improved my musicianship skills and in turn has given me the ability to practice more efficiently. So I had thought that I had become a violinist....but must confess on beginning to play viola again realized that I am truly a violist at heart. Thus the reason why I love the sound of the bass recorder. I guess the exciting news is that practicing has gone from being a chore to something I enjoy doing and look forward to when I get home from teaching. Now if I can just figure out how to squeeze more than an hour and a half in each day, I will be good to go!

Sundays

Sundays are supposed to be a day of rest....not a day for doing report cards. It is maddening to me that I have spent both Saturday and part of Sunday doing work related things. My plan was to get the report cards finished Friday (on my day off--day off meaning: day that I'm not supposed to be working) but I woke up not feeling well and it didn't happen. Yesterday afternoon was Solo Festival and afterwards I was able to get some of the report cards done. This morning I was planning on going to my friend's church, but woke up feeling like I didn't sleep all night. So I made the decision to skip church and get started on the cards, because I had a feeling if I went to church I wouldn't have the energy to do the report cards when I got home. Well, at 11:08am, I'm happy to say that I only have 16 cards left to do and I've listened to a fascinating teaching over the internet, but I must say that I am questioning my decision.

You might be asking how I got myself in this pickle to begin with...well, my time at school has been spent preparing for a field trip I took my kids on Thursday and a concert we have on Tuesday. Since the report cards are due Monday, and I am only there three days a week, I just haven't had the time to get them done in school.

There are so many things wrong with this scenario that I won't even attempt to begin naming them. So I will just pray that the Lord will give me the grace to deal with it and that He will meet with me right where I am.

Hmmm....

I borrowed/stole this from Jaelle. It seems to speak to where I am right now in my walk with the Lord:

DARKNESS BEFORE THE DAWN
by Charles R. Swindoll

Read Genesis 40:20-41:1

The process of discovering, processing, purifying, and shaping gold is a lengthy, painstaking process. Affliction is gold in the making for the child of God, and God is the one who determines how long the process takes. He alone is the Refiner.

This is where Joseph was when we left him. He is still in process. His gold is still being refined. His heart is still being broken by affliction and abandonment.

Those two full years for Joseph were neither exciting nor eventful. They represented a long, dull, monotonous, unspectacular, slow-moving grind. Month after month after month of . . . well, nothing. Not even the Genesis account attempts to make those years seem meaningful. Because they weren't.

That's what it's like when you're in a period of waiting. Nothing's happening! Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.

On the other hand, it only seems like nothing is happening. In reality, a whole lot is happening. Events are occurring apart from our involvement. Furthermore, we are being strengthened. We are being established. We are being perfected. We are being refined into pure gold.

We're back to my earlier comment---Joseph is being shaped for greatness. All whom God uses greatly are first hidden in the secret of His presence, away from the pride of man. It is there our vision clears. It is there the silt drops from the current of our life and our faith begins to grasp His arm. Abraham waited for the birth of Isaac. Moses didn't lead the Exodus until he was eighty. Elijah waited beside the brook. Noah waited 120 years for rain. Paul was hidden away for three years in Arabia. The list doesn't end. God is working while His people are waiting, waiting, waiting. Joseph is being shaped for a significant future.

That's what's happening. For the present time, nothing. For the future, everything!

Taken from Charles R. Swindoll, Great Days with the Great Lives (Nashville: W Publishing Group, 2005). Copyright © 2005 by Charles R. Swindoll, Inc. All rights reserved. Used by permission.

Mystery Money....

Yesterday I received a check in the mail from U of R for the exact amount that my last class cost. It was a rather startling event, partially because I have no idea why they would be paying me, but mostly because I came to the realization that this check is worth more than one of my paychecks!!!

New Year's Eve

Last night as I was trying to fall asleep, I was listening to the book of Luke when I heard the story of the paralytic man who was lowered into the house by his friends. Now I don't know much about the construction of houses back then, but being that they lowered him through the roof, the friends must've gone to some trouble taking apart the roof in order to get him in the house. What stuck out to me was how much work it must've taken these men to get the paralytic in to see Jesus. And then I thought about how easily I am distracted from meeting with Him, and how a diligent effort must be made on my part to meet with the Lord. I have been aware of how many times recently that I know the Lord is calling me, telling me to meet with Him, yet I find things to keep me busy and not meet with Him. This is one thing that I pray would change as I go into the new year.